A Reason To Go On

Chapter 14

Jaydens POV

"Jayden there's something else we haven't told you, Alexia was pregnant, you have a son but unfortunately the doctor doesn't know if he's going to make it" I hear my dad tell me. My wolf is howling in anger and sadness, while i just sit there shocked. I'm trying to process everything my dad has told me, but my mind seems to have gone blank. "Jayden are you listening to what I'm telling you?" my dad asks, i know i should answer him but i seem to have lost the ability to talk at the moment. Oh god Ive just remembered the day Alexia told me to stop sleeping around during school, i thought she was stalking me or something, i never would have thought that the reason she knew was because she was in pain. Why didn't she tell me? I know i rejected her but it doesn't mean i don't care if shes suffering. Another image flashes in my head of me kissing Harmony in-front of her, god i wish i could go back in time and smack that smirk straight from my own face. Is it any wonder that she never spoke to me? I think i have to be the biggest douche in the world, but i was just trying to forget her, how was i suppose to know it would cause her pain?  "JAYDEN", i look at my father who's looking at me with anger in his eyes. "Ive been very patient with you, but understand just because I'm not screaming and shouting at you doesn't mean I'm not angry. Understand my main priority at the moment is making sure Alexia wakes up and my grandson pulls through, so instead of sitting there throwing yourself a pity party, how about you show some interest in your sons well-being?" Oh god Ive got a son! I cant believe hes suffering because of my actions. Dads right i do need to get a grip, "whats wrong with the baby?" i ask, i know my dad mentioned he might not make it, but I'm not sure why. "Because he was born at least eight weeks early and because of all the added stress on Alexia's body because of your actions, hes very small. He currently cant breathe on his own so he has a tube to help him. I need you to prepare yourself in case he doesn't make it Jayden". I never wanted a mate let alone a baby, maybe this is my punishment for being selfish. "Can i see him please?" i know Alexia's parents have forbidden me to see her, but surely they cant stop me from seeing my own son. "I'm not sure Jayden you know how the Reynolds feel about you at the moment" my dad answers. "Dad i know i messed up and i cant do anything to make it up to Alexia until she wakes up, i just want to see my son, hes mine and Alexia's not her parents. I don't know what i would do if he doesn't make it and i never got the chance to see him first, please dad". I can see him debating what Ive said, but to be honest even without his consent i will see my child one way or the other. "Ok Jayden, ill speak to Dr Stacy and tell her you are coming down to see him, ill also ask her if she can ask the Reynolds to be out of the room when you get there. I don't want anything happening around my grandson, remember Alexia's family are angry, and its mainly directed at you, they wont be as calm as I'm being right now, just let me make the call". I just nod my head and wait patiently while he makes the arrangements. "Dr Stacy is going to come and get you when Cindy and Leigh have finished visiting him, she will be here shortly" i quickly thank him and wait nervously for the doctor to arrive.

Walking down with Dr Stacy she tries to prepare me for what hes going to look like, I'm not really paying attention to most of it I'm just eager to see him. Opening the door to his room i hear bleeping from a machine and rush towards the sound, what i see literally shocks me to the core. I know dad said he was small but looking at him hes tiny, he looks so fragile, like a simple touch would break him. The tube in his mouth is bigger than i thought and covers most of his tiny face. There's wires everywhere doing various jobs to help keep him alive "I'll leave you alone with him, you can touch him by opening this door, and ill be back to check on you soon". As soon as the doctor leaves the room the reality of the situation hits me hard and literally brings me to my knees, i can feel my tears running down my face but don't bother to wipe them. I deserve this pain for everything Ive done, but the baby is innocent and never asked to be born, because of my own selfishness it seems hes paying more for it than anyone. I manage to calm myself, i need to be strong, wiping my tears i stand up so i can face my son. I open the door to the incubator and run my finger over his head, i dare'nt touch him anywhere else as i don't want to disturb all the wires and tubes accidentally. I notice he has black hair like me. "Hello, I'm your daddy, I'm so sorry for whats happening to you, you see this is all my fault. I know you cant understand me yet, but just know that if you are strong and pull through this, i will spend the rest of my life making everything up to you". I see his eyes fluttering trying to open, its like hes trying to listen to me "I'm not sure if you have a name yet, Ive only just found out about you today, but i want you to know that daddy already loves you so so much". And i do, i never understood when people talk about the instant love for a child, but i get it now. I will do anything to protect my son, and if Alexia's parents think they are going to keep him from me they have another thing coming. 

I continue talking to my son and then the most amazing things happens, he opens his eyes reveling his big green ones, just like mine, just like his daddy's.