Summer
After service I went home and locked myself in my condo. I felt like a prisoner of my own life and mind. I had no freedom and I had my own. I was always under watch and scrutinized. If I blinked the wrong way, my father would know. It all was so frustrating.
At times like this I wish that I my mother was here, but she left and I still don't understand why. Right now I felt empty and lost even though I knew that I had God, I still felt empty. I pulled my knees up to my chest and thought about my life. I was always the obedient child and I did everything that pleased everybody, mainly my father, but I was so unhappy.
I got up and went to look out my window. I looked at the bright sunshine and smiled because seeing the sun shine brightly gave me hope and peace. I just wanted to be treated normal. I sighed and ran my hands through my hair and I decided that I wanted to go get some ice cream and take a walk through the park.
I changed clothes to some sweats and a fitted tee. I pulled my hair back in a ponytail and slipped on my airmax. I grabbed my phone, keys and MK wristlet. I headed out and hoped that I would be in peace. I walked down the sidewalk because the little ice cream stand was just a few blocks from my condo. I smiled at people in passing as I made it to my destination.
I ordered a cup of strawberry cheesecake ice cream and paid the clerk. I strolled a few more blocks and finally I entered the park. I ate from my ice cream as I looked at the scenery before me. I watched as kids played and couples held hands walking the trail.
I yearned to be able to have that special person in my life, but the way my life is setup, I don't know if I will ever have that because of my over protective father. I sighed and continued to walk through the park. I paused when I saw August with three little girls as they looked out at the small pond with ducks.
I took a moment to take in his appearance. He was a beautiful creation from God, but his smile was the highlight. I could tell through his smile there was as story of hurt and pain. For some reason my spirit yearned to help him, but its sad because here I am wanting to help someone else and don't even know how to help myself.
I decided to approach and when I did I recognized the little girls from church. They song on the sunbeam choir and did praise dance. They turned and saw me.
"Miss Summer." They yelled and came up and hugged me.
"Hey love bugs." I smiled down at them.
August looked at me with an unreadable expression.
"Hello August."
"Wassup Summer?"
"Nothing really. Just enjoying this Sunday afternoon. What about you?" I took a bite of my ice cream.
"Do uncle Aug a favor and go right there and play, but stay where I can see you." He told who I learned was his nieces.
They nodded and took off towards the swings.
"So what's on your mind August?"
August
I looked at Summer and her whole presence was refreshing at that was something new to me. She made me want to open up to her, but I felt that she needed to open up and have somebody to listen to her as well.
"Summer I ain't no fool and I know that you are not either. I know that there is a connection between us, but we come from two different worlds with different backgrounds. I'm no good for you."
"August you act as if we about to walk down the aisle. I know that you are dealing with a lot, but instead allowing somebody to be a friend to you, a real friend you keep putting up all these blockades."
"Summer that's what keeps people from getting close and me getting close. I don't wanna hurt nobody and I don't wanna get hurt."
"Nobody wants to get hurt, but its the hurt that builds us and makes us stronger." She reached out and touched my arm.
I looked down at the hand she had on my arm and back to her. I wanted to open and trust somebody preferably her, but the way my heart and mind was setup, I decided against it. I felt that people had too many hidden agendas, agendas that I didn't have time to figure out.
"Sum-"
"August I'm like you in a lot of ways. Just because I'm the preacher's daughter and I'm in the church doesn't mean I have encountered my share of ups and downs, hurts and heartaches."
I sighed and placed my hands in my pockets as I watched my nieces play. I was so empty and lost without my brother, but I knew that he was still with me in spirit everyday. This was all new to a nigga and I just wanted to let go and bare it all to somebody that wouldn't judge me.
I looked at her and felt bad for her because she had no idea who her father really was. He she was living by his rules and he wasn't even living by the rules that he was teaching her, but most importantly he wasn't living according to the way that God wanted him to.
"Summer I'ma leave you with these words, be careful of who you trust because a lot of the time people are not who they say they are. When you invest all your time and belief in them, you have given them all the more power to strip you bare and leave you feeling empty." I touched her cheek and went to get my nieces.
I knew that she was wondering what I meant, but in due time she would find out because you can't hide in darkness and think the light won't reveal who and what you are.
I'm going to take this story on levels that will leave you on the edge of your seat.
Excuse Mistakes!
