All The Things You Said (gxg)

Junior Year Continued

My situationship, as I like to call it, with Gabby wound up being something that was fun for me, and gave me sexual experience, but it also fucked with my head.

It lasted for around 5 months- we drifted apart in April, as her graduation was nearing, and my senior year was coming.

Gabby and I hardly interacted at school- we couldn't, because of it having to be secret on my end. But we texted a lot- we texted every day, actually. It was like we were together in some ways. We would message throughout the day. We would talk about our day, and we wound up sharing inside jokes and messages.

Some weeks we saw each other every weekend. Other weeks we would skip a hangout. That made the sexual tension even higher for when we saw each other next.

Yes, we would have sex a lot when we hung out. But there were times when we would just hangout- watch TV, play The Sims, and get something to eat. I met her parents once, but she introduced me as her friend.

I mean, that's what I was- a friend with benefits, sure. But a friend.

Which gave me an empty feeling at times. I knew there was an expiration date to the time I was spending with Gabby. I was trying to prevent myself from falling from her, but it was hard at times. Especially when we would have sex, and she would show such passion and affection toward me.

There were times in the 5 months that we were a thing that I considered ending it. Like when she would mention other girls she found attractive, and make all of these future plans. I didn't fit into her equation of the future- I was just here for now. And that was a tough pill to swallow.

I wanted what I had with Gabby one day- the good parts of it. The affection, the laughs, the secure feeling I had at times with her. But I wanted it without an expiration date.

I want a girlfriend.

Gabby and I knew that we were going to end things by the time she went off to college. And I did honestly think we would spend time together in the summer.

But when it got to April, I started to get a distant feeling from her. She was texting me less. Asking me to hangout less. And it was driving me crazy.

The only one that knew about Gabby was McKinley.

"Just ask her if she still wants to hang out. Rip the bandage off." McKinley said to me. "The worst that can happen is that she says she wants to stop hanging out with you."

"And that's what I'm already expecting." I said, "I might as well just ask her."

But I didn't even get a chance to ask her, because that night, Gabby sent me a text saying that she really enjoyed our time together, but she wanted to be single for the summer. It was a short, but sweet message.

But it did show me how little I had actually meant to her.

At least that's how it felt.

I was sitting on my bed when I read the text from Gabby. I just stared at my phone for a moment, and felt tears spring to my eyes.

I sent a text back to her. I decided that I wasn't going to show her how much I was hurting right now.

I simply said: Thanks for letting me know, I figured. Good luck with everything, Gabby.

And just like that - 5 months of time together was over.

I felt like I had been punched in the gut. Maybe I had gotten more attached to Gabby than I thought.

I was completely numb, just sitting there on my bed, when I heard a knock at my door.

"It's me."

It was Peyton. If it was my mom I would have told her that I was changing or something- but I felt bad telling Peyton to not come in. She was so close to having her baby that was going to be a girl. And she had a tough year- much tougher than me.