A silent cry

25 conflict

I pack the clothes because even though my uncle stood by me this time, I knew my aunt's wrath was awaiting me. I can't imagine how many schemes she made overnight but I'm prepared for anything.

she storms into the room but I've already hidden the luggage under the bed.

"don't you dare think you're a big shot now or something? I haven't shown you anything, if I don't make you regret saying you don't want to get married my name wouldn't be sultana.

you and your mom are both leeches. That's all you're good at, leeching onto those who lend you a helping hand, you ungrateful pests. I won't allow you to leech onto us anymore."

I would be lying if I said I wasn't scared. I kept comforting myself that I'm used to everything she does because she had done it before when I had my mother but back then my mother would protect me. I hadn't realized how many stabs she had taken to her back to make sure I don't get hurt. I miss her so much, I wish you were here now mama. I wish I had your warm arms to run into and hide.

a few minutes later Jabil rushed to me asking me if he could go out and play with the boys in the neighborhood.

"no qalbi you're too young"

"mama please"

"no"

"please please please"

"no Jabil. don't ask me anymore"

"But mama"

"no, it's dangerous"

"I hate you," he says storming away. I couldn't let him out though he was still so little what if someone did something to him god forbid. it really hurt hearing those words from him I wonder if my mother felt the same way every time she denied me something. How much did it hurt for your kid to hate you only because they don't know the world like you do?

I wish the world really was like how kids imagined it how beautiful and kind it would be. it's sad how evil some people can be.

I look around to see if my aunt is near so I can cook myself something to eat. I hadn't eaten in days and my head feels heavy all the time. I take two bites before my aunt takes the pan away from me and throws the eggs in the garbage.

"if you want them, eat them from there. like the damn animal you are." my stomach growled. I was too hungry to retaliate. I stood up stared at the wasted eggs and thought about the homeless people. There are people in situations worst than me I told myself, it's okay I can handle this.

I sneaked to the kitchen again but then everything went dark. i wake up on my bed with Jabil standing over my head with roti and cheese. he looks at me disappointed. 

"you can't work and not eat" i forget to ask how i ended up here and just devour the roti smeered with cheese. Jabil gets up and gets a cup of water. he pats my head. i laugh because he acts like i'm the little kid. 

"you know you passed out? don't do that again i thought you died." he said angrly then his tone softens "i'm sorry mama" 

"my little qamar come here" i said opening my arms for him to jump into. he hugs me tightly, worried. There was only one other person who offered me food when i was tired, he really is so much like Abbas. 

i pull myself together and try to eat more but in the kitchen. My aunt finds me and curses me out. she talked about how i act like an animal eating their food. once out of nowhere she walks in calm and restrained and I'm eating eggs with roti. she sits in front of me and lowers her hand to take a bite then I see her hand stuff the roti down my throat as she jumps over me. 

"you leech, who gave you the right to eat from our food? answer!" she says through gritted teeth while pushing the roti deeper so that i can hardly speak. i almost suffocate. i pull her hair and her head tilts back. she grabs a wooden spoon and comes at me again with full force. I fight her off remembering everything Abbas taught me. I didn't have to take treatment from her. I wasn't an animal I was a human and I had never done anything to hurt her. I never chose to come here she asked me to come.

"How dare you raise your hand on me?" she grumbled and for the first time, she looked so small. why had I been so scared? I'm not my mother, I will not let her hurt me or my Jabil.

"I'm not a pest and my mother is not an animal. Do you think I didn't see what you did that night? you think I didn't see you push my mother down the stairs?" I narrow in on her and realize that I'm actually taller than her. she backs away slowly and I get closer.

"you can't prove anything, she puts her arms on my chest attempting to push me away but I had never felt stronger. I stand my ground.

"I don't have to prove anything Allah is well aware of what you do and everything we do we are held accountable for."

she pushes me back and I stand firmly then she tries to go right and I move right to cover her path. I can't believe I was so afraid of her. a smirk forms on my face then I move away and she heads upstairs. i lean against the wall to support myself, i felt like i was going to fall face flat.

"don't think you've won," she says leaving. but I don't think I've won my only win would be when I finally leave this place. how do I tell my dad that the walls he built have sheltered a snake?

I felt so much better though. I didn't have to be treated like an animal and I didn't have to listen to all the bad things she had to say about my mother. My mom never deserved the words that were said about her. This woman is mad, she is beyond demented.

I would never believe a human can harbor so much hate towards another if I had not witnessed it. They lack realization of how horrid their actions are I don't truly know what goes on in their minds. However, I am positive they are blind to their faults, they are blinded with hate, envy, and anger. They don't care who they hurt or how they do it and people should never quietly take any type of abuse from people like that. They will not stop at anything until the person they aim their hate to has been fully consumed. They eat you up alive and spit you out again only to laugh at the leftover mush of what you've become.

I'm positively sure that paralyzing my mother was not enough that she had laughed at her in the condition she caused her. I remember visiting my mother at the hospital and there were shoes near her bed. At the time I didn't think much of it, I thought those were my mother's shoes but now I know it was my aunt who had visited her that evening before me. I'm not sure of what horrid things she might have said to her but my mother didn't speak much that day and seemed to be in another place burdened by a difficult matter. I can't imagine how she would have mocked her. she went out of her way to buy my mother shoes only to laugh at the condition she put her in.