A silent cry

[6]MY MOTHER

***
Hadiya

Abbas, Abbas please open your eyes, please, please, please don't leave me alone

I couldn't see anything, my eyes were filled with tears, I removed a large stone that had fallen on Abbas from the airstrike but he wasn't moving, he was completely covered with dust and it's all my fault, if only I hadn't been there and slowed him down, shalosh ya Hadiya shalosh, Allah ya basash.

(Shloosh is like saying I hope they get rid of you, it's a common Yemeni saying and Allah ya basash means I hope Allah takes you, but it means I hope you die)

"Help please help" I scream out with my voice trembling. People came in to help me and my tears were falling on Abbas's face. I wiped the tears off. "Ya Allah, help me, ya Allah" I feel a hand grab onto me.

"I'm okay, don't cry," he says with a hoarse voice.

I felt like my heart was being beaten by a thousand punches. I couldn't stop crying, "I'm sorry I can't," I said, trembling and wiping the tears with the sleeves of my abaya.

"Listen it's okay, I'm okay," he says attempting to push himself up.

The rest of the people came and helped him up, I felt so weak it's like my legs had completely been cut off as if I was the one who was hit and not him.

"Come on, come" he pushes the people's hands away after thanking them and puts out his hand for me to hold. I couldn't stand, I shouldn't be the one standing with his help, I should be the one helping him, I'm so useless, it was as if my legs were glued to the ground. I try to push myself up without holding his arm.

He pulls my arm and lifts me up.

"We need to take you to the hospital" I finally blurt out after standing

"We don't need to, I'm okay, look I can walk"

I'm not going to argue with you please, let's go to the hospital

He gives a look but finally gives in and agrees. "Okay let's do what you want"

****
Abbas

She gave me a worryful look, I don't understand her sometimes. I've never seen her like this.

We get to the hospital and I'm told I'm fine except with minor wounds that got stitched quickly. I couldn't take my mind off of Hadiya who fiddled nervously with her fingers and hid her hands in the sleeves of her abaya.

"See I told you it was nothing, there's nothing to worry about"

Mhm, she says looking a little less worried.

I waited until the nurse left and stood up from the chair.

What are you doing? You just got stitched, wait a little, she says worriedly pushing my chest back down onto the chair, I grab her hand and pull her closer to me. She lowered her gaze. I pull her chin up but she avoids my gaze

Look at me, I said playfully

She lifts her eyes to meet mine for a moment and then the nurse walks in and she pulls away from my grip quickly. She nervously coughs and tries making excuses for the situation

I was... I just looked at his stitches, she says making random hand movements, I tried holding back the grin on my face. The nurse awkwardly nods and then lets us know that we can leave already if we want.

Just pay at the front desk and you're all clear to head out says the nurse giving us a little nod

Hadiya waits in the corner of the room, keeping a distance from me, when I start approaching her so we can leave the room, she opens the door and tells me to go ahead. She follows behind me with her eyes still facing the floor. I quickly pay and then grab her hand to walk with her and she lets out a little groan

Are you hurt?
No, she tries to pull her hand away, but I could see she was in pain. I see a drop of blood landing on the floor from the sleeves of her abaya, I pull her wrist and she winces at the pain. I gently lift up her sleeve. There was a huge cut on her palm.

Why didn't you say anything? My voice comes out raspy
It's okay I'll just bandage it at home
I pull her elbow making sure not to put her in any more pain and take her back to the hospital
It's really okay
I give her a cold stare and she falls silent. I can't believe she didn't tell me.

Was there a problem? the nurse at the front desk asks
Yes, She needs to be bandaged, her palm is bleeding
Okay, sir, I'll have someone with you shortly
We both sit silently. When another airstrike was heard not too far away, we felt the ground shake and we heard a scream. Hadiya lets out a frightened scream at the sound and trembles. Minutes later people were being brought into the hospital, I get up to check when I was pulled back by Hadiya.

Don't go
It's okay I'm just going to help them out
Please, she pleads while holding on to my thobe, she seemed nervous and frightened

I don't want to stay here anymore, can we leave, we can just bandage it at home, look how hurt these people are, they're dying she shouts with a shaky voice, holding on to me. I looked at her eyes and they were all watery. I reluctantly stood up seeing how nerve wrecked she was and took her home. On the way there she didn't say a single word but held on tightly to my hand.

***

I bandaged her wound not knowing what to say, I wanted to know what scared her so much but I didn't want to see her more worried. I finished wrapping the last bandage on her palm and moved my arm up to hold her wrist. I look at her face while holding her and place my forehead on hers. We both lock gazes and the tips of our noses touch. She closed her eyes and slowly the trembling calmed down.

What's wrong? I asked seeing she's calmed down a little
I'm scared
From?
Losing you, she said inhaling deeply. I rubbed my forehead against hers and brought her closer to my chest, reciting a verse from the Quran

"لَّن يُصِيبَنَآ إِلَّا مَا كَتَبَ ٱللَّهُ لَنَا هُوَ مَوْلَىٰنَا ۚ وَعَلَى ٱللَّهِ فَلْيَتَوَكَّلِ ٱلْمُؤْمِنُونَ"
"Nothing will ever befall us except what Allah has destined for us. He is our Protector." And in Allah let the believers put their trust." (Quran 9:51)

She wraps her arms around me and whimpers softly.
When I got engaged to you, I asked you to give me one more year before we get officially married. At the time she pauses tugging on to my thobe from behind my mother had fallen off the stairs in my uncle's house, he wasn't there. Me and my sister carried her all the way to the hospital, when we got there they took her in and said she had a hemorrhage in her brain. They operated on her and she was kept there for a year, I would tell my sister to leave and I would tell her if anything new comes up. I stayed for a year in and out of that hospital, I saw people die and I saw their family members burst into tears and hopelessness. I was scared, I fed myself up with lies, my mother was paralyzed from the fall but when she woke up from the coma I thought there was hope. I prayed every night but it wasn't enough. I couldn't stop or delay what Allah had written. I watched her slowly die in front of me, I dreaded ever going to the hospital. I can't help but remember her pale and weary expression. The sadness in her eyes. She had been paralyzed but she put up fighting to get better for a year I wanted her with me. It's selfish but even if she was like that I wished she would stay with me. Today when you collapsed I was scared, terrified maybe I would lose you too. I wished it had been me who was hit. If something happened to you, my conscience would have hunted me for the rest of my life.