The love letter and the suicide note

17 days until suicide

"So, I changed a bit of my plans to do things you'd be able to do and you'll enjoy. Once you get out of the hospital, we can resume our fun week I had planned." Astra said into the phone as she layed on her bed.

"I'm not going to get out for another 6 days. You really want to continue what you were doing?" Orson sounded tried, but that wasn't nothing new.

He hadn't been getting a lot of sleep in the hospital.

"I mean why not? Especially after your accident, I thought you'd wanna do something fun. You can do these things I picked out even with your hurt leg. Trust me okay? Pleeease?" Astra pouted her lips even though he couldn't see her.

"I don't know Star. I can barely walk right now."

"That's true, I'm sorry that happened to you. I'll visit you in a couple days, I've just been busy trying to get back into college. Carly's been helping me. I hadn't been there in a couple months but I feel like I'm ready. I hate not doing anything everyday. I don't have a job anymore, they let me go when my sister... yeah. They said I can always come back when I'm ready, so when I'm ready to work again, I will go back. But I feel like I'm only ready for college again."

"That's good." Was all Orson said.

"I'm so sorry, I just went on a small rant. I didn't notice." Astra apologized.

"It's alright."

"How are you? Apart from being in the hospital." Astra rolled over onto her side to grab the picture of her and Harley laughing.

"I'm fine."

"Bear Cub, what have I said about lying? Please don't lie to me, I want to help you but if you don't ever tell me what's wrong, I can't." Astra ran a finger across Harley's beautiful laughing face, a sad smile appearing on her lips.

"You can explain how you're feeling with nature again. Remember how you said that actually helped last time? Why don't you try it again."

"I'm fine." Orson said.

Astra sighed and set the picture frame on her chest as she looked up at the ceiling. "Please don't lie to me. Let me help you."

"I don't need help okay? I've always done things myself, and I can do this myself. I don't need help from anyone." Orson said, and she heard him shift around in the bed.

"Please, just try it again, it might help." Astra said.

Orson sighed

"My forest is darker today, more than last time. The fox that got caught in the trap managed to get out, but his leg was so bad he couldn't walk. Days went by and he just lied on the ground, in pain, starving and shivering. He hoped with all his heart someone would come and save him, but nobody did. Nobody could."

"Hey, I'm here to save-"

"I wasn't talking about you." Orson sounded a little annoyed.

"Bear Cub."

"Star." He said with the same tone of voice, and Astra tried not to smile, but she couldn't stop the small smile from forming on her lips.

"Bearr Cubb."

"Starr." She could tell just by the way he was talking, that he was smiling.

"Bearrr Cubbb."

"Starrrr."

Astra started laughing, and as soon as she laughed, he laughed. His laughter was the best sound her ears could hear, and every time he laughed, she felt proud of herself for being able to make him laugh.

Especially with what he was going through. It was hard to laugh. It was hard to even smile. But she could get a genuine smile and laugh out of him and it made her happy.

"You're so cuteee." Astra teased him, and she heard him laugh again.

"So are youuu."

"Wow, I haven't known you as long as I've known my other friends, but I feel closer with you than I do with them. I mean, Carly is really close to me, but I feel like you're close enough to earn the title of best friend."

Orson was quiet.

"Bear Cub?" She asked.

"I have to go." He hung up.

Astra pulled the phone from her ear and stared at it. Did she say something wrong? Did she do something? Did he not want to be her best friend?

Her heart dropped as she remembered him telling her he didn't want friends. He said he didn't have friends and he didn't want any because he didn't want to hurt anyone when he killed himself.

He didn't want her to get close to him.

He didn't want to be friends with her.