Tell Me What You Hate About Me

49: My Talisman To Bear

I stared out my dorm room window as a group of friends walked past, all dressed up in costumes from a show I hadn't seen for Halloween.

I glanced down at the talisman. It hadn't left my sight in—how long was it?—some amount of time. And I wasn't sure I'd ever set it down ever again.

I also hadn't used it since I got it back from Harvey. It wasn't like I needed or wanted anything anyway.

"You know," Sierra's voice said from behind me, "you never did apologize for abandoning us at your mom's. And you were right. She really is a piece of work."

Well, we went back for them eventually. What more did they want from us? "Yep."

"What are you even looking at? If you want to go out for Halloween, all you have to do is say so."

"I don't."

She sighed. "Then I really don't know what the hell you want."

A long silence lulled between us before I finally spoke up. "I actually am sorry, Sierra. But you get why we did that, don't you?"

"I do. I just," she hesitated for a moment, "I just wish I could've been included in the super cool rescue mission. That would have been awesome."

It was not awesome. Dominic looked and sounded like he was about to die for most of it.

But I didn't say that. It wasn't going to make me feel any better.

Before either one of us could change the subject, someone knocked on the door.

"Lindsay? Sierra?" Jack opened up the door just enough to peer inside. "You guys don't have any Halloween plans, do you?"

"Why would you assume that we don't have plans?" Sierra asked.

"Because you're sitting here looking out the window, probably," Jack said.

I nodded. I sure as hell didn't have any plans, and Halloween was supposed to be a good day for me and my dear talisman. At least I liked to imagine it that way.

"Well, if you want, there's this party that a few of the guys—not Harvey, obviously—are going to, and I figured I'd extend the invitation," Jack said.

Oh, what a great idea to spend some time with the guys whose memories I had erased! Good plan!

"That sounds like fun," Sierra said. "You wanna go, Lindsay?"

I shook my head. "I think I've had enough spooky excitement for this lifetime. Maybe next time, you know, after I die."

I turned around just in time to see Jack shut his eyes for a moment and pinch the bridge of his nose. "Okay, you go ahead and be like this. It's not gonna help anything."

"I don't need anything to help. I'm fine," I said.

The talisman heated up ever so slightly in my hand. Oh, shut up, talisman. You're not Pinnochio's nose or whatever. I don't need you calling me out on my bullshit too.

Sierra glanced back at Jack, then at me. "So you're not okay with us going to the party then?"

I shook my head. "Of course, I'm fine with it. You guys have fun. Seriously. I'm just not into it tonight."

Jack raised an eyebrow.

"It's not a trick. I mean it. I'm not that crazy," I said.

"If you're sure," Jack said, and after Sierra grabbed her purse, they left me alone.

I let out a long sigh. "Well, looks like it's just you and me now. I know normally our conversations are in my head, but that's just so people don't think I'm crazy."