Heart of Gladiator

Starry Nights

The moon was already high up in the sky, looking down at the quiet land while Gwenor still stood awake on her balcony, staring into the distance and enjoying the wind. She'd stopped crying for some time, finally able to catch her breath. She felt so tired and frail. There was absolutely no strength for any more tears. Once in awhile when the thought would cross her mind, she'd just sadly smile to herself.

  For some reason she didn't feel like returning to the confinements of her room, afraid that she might come back to the same mundane and dull reality of her life. It was as if out here in this night's coldness, she found some kind of warmth and indestructible magic that gave some healing hope to her heart. She knew she couldn't stay out here forever in this undisturbed darkness. Tomorrow the sun would still rise once more. But all she wanted was just some few more minutes. That was all.

  But eventually accepting the must for her to leave and to return inside finally, she let her stare fall down to the garden below. And then she saw the shadow of a man. It occurred to her that she'd been carefully watched all this time. But something in those eyes of the watcher emitted once more love and kindness as she'd seen in them the very first time.

  "Aurelius," she whispered, staring at his lonely shadowed figure, hidden in the darkness, and suddenly a need to protect and love him overwhelmed her. "Aurelius," she repeated, her voice sounding more urgent now, and she immediately turned around to leave to the garden.

  As soon as she was out there, among the flowery bushes and little trees that managed to hide their figures from the rest of the world, she approached him, never once breaking her stare from him.  

  Once they were standing right opposite each other, in a meaningful and thoughtful silence, committing each other's faces to memory, she knew she'd love him forever.

  "Why are you standing here?" she asked him, searching his eyes for an answer. But she could only sense hesitation in him.

"I wanted to see you," he said, his eyes never once looking up to meet hers.

 "Had you been waiting for me here all this time?"

He took some time to reply, but when he did, he finally met her gaze solidly, and she thought she saw fire blaze in them. "Yes," he said.

  For a moment she stood silent, watching him. "Well," she said, taking in a deep calming breath, "I am here now so tell me what you wish to." And then she felt her heart thump faster at hearing her own words; now on the verge of knowing what he'd wanted to tell her. 

"What you saw today is not what you think it was," he said, looking expectantly at her.

The memory then came at once rushing back to her, piercing her heart with so much cruelty; she bit her lip from the pain it caused and did her best to hide her unfolding emotions from him. "Why are you telling me this, Aurelius?" she retaliated harshly, in a silly attempt to protect herself, or rather to hide the truth from him, in fear he might reject it. "What does any of that have to do with me? It is absolutely not any of my concern." All she wanted to give him was love, kindness and gentleness, but she was here now defending herself from a love she wished to have with harshness and anger, as if it was something she dreaded, and pretended to be strong and brave while she was as cowardly and petrified as any foolish little girl.

Seeing her reaction, he confirmed himself that he was an idiot to have even started this whole conversation. He should have know better than to have made his feelings clear to her. Who was he really to fall in love with a woman like her and expect some kind of love or sympathy in return from her? But looking at Gwenor, Aurelius's heart would simply melt out of love for her. Oh how he yearned for her! It was a physical torture to his body and soul. No, he couldn't stay here another second before her. It was agony. He'd rather spend the rest of his life loving her in secret, then be faced by her in all her beauty and be ruthlessly rejected of the love and happiness he so wished to shower her in for all his life.

"I'd just wanted you to know that it was nothing at all," he said lastly, and began taking his steps away from her.

For a moment she looked at his receding figure, seeing him move further and further away, until she heard herself shout out his name. He stopped in his tracks at once and turned around, while she was already running towards him.

"Why wouldn't you tell me?" Her tears began falling quickly now, as she pleadingly looked at him. It was over.The truth was finally revealed. She loved him. And it no longer mattered to her whether he loved her back or not. It no longer feared her. Now she only feared more than ever to lose him.

He stared at her, confusion, worry and love reflecting in his warm brown eyes. Finally he saw in her what he thought he'd never see. Love. 

Gently he wiped her tears away, noticing the stains from earlier ones, and his heart cringed inside him. "It was nothing at all, Gwenor."

"But how could it be nothing at all?" she cried out, feelings of panic taking over her. And as he saw this he drew her into his arms, securely holding her within his embrace and keeping her pressed against his heart whose rhythm took a wild pace.

"Because I am in love with you, Gwenor," he said.

And at hearing this, she pulled her self slightly away from his grip to look at his face. Those beautiful eyes of his, they were filled with sorrow and love. Love for her. And sorrow for this life.

"I love you," he repeated to her. And the more she looked at him, the more vulnerable he appeared to her. She then placed her hand on his cheek, warm from the emotions that stirred within him, and he bent his face into the palm of her hand, closing his eyes. "You are all I have to live for."

And his mouth gently covered hers as she pushed closer into him.