A Girl's Guide to Fairy Tales

Chapter Nine (part 2)

It was precisely fourteen minutes past twelve when I arrived at Strand’s but being there early gave me time to prepare. Sophie had offered to come along and sit inconspicuously at a table with a book, hat and sunglasses, just to see if everything went according to plan.

I had insisted she stayed at mine instead.

While I waited for my date to arrive, I tried at least three different tables before I found one I was happy with. It was the table in the far corner and away from most of the others. I sat down, conscious that I was overpowering the cafe with the smell of my gradual tan moisturiser Sophie had insisted I put on to give my legs a ‘lift.’

‘Right then, what can I get for you?’ the dumpy woman asked, her smile nearly lost underneath her sizable cheeks. I swear I had seen her before. Oh my God, yes I had! She had been a waitress at Joe’s Cafe, which I had awarded a one-star rating to last year as a result of dirty tables, no loo roll in the toilets, precariously placed boxes on the storage shelves, and bad wiring.

The loss in trade after my inspection had forced them to close three months later.

Consoling myself with the thought that she obviously wasn’t jobless, I ordered a cup of filter coffee. ‘Black, no sugar,’ I demanded, tapping the table with my palm as if I were in a saloon bar in the Wild West.

She returned minutes later and placed the steaming brew before me. I attempted to remain inconspicuous by hiding behind the pocket mirror Sophie had given me for Christmas, which had remained unopened until this morning.

A peculiar sense of guilt sat heavily on my shoulders as I thought about all of the people I had potentially made jobless and I toyed with the idea of waiting for Rob outside, just in case the waitress realised who I was.

‘Oh don’t be stupid Clare, you were just doing your job and besides you have your coffee now and it seems fine,’ I whispered like a mad woman as I casually took a swig of my drink as if it were water.

Big mistake.

The molten liquid instantly scolded my lips and my tongue, causing the skin to peel from the inside of my mouth.

‘Oh ha ha ha, ooh ohh,’ I panted wafting my mouth with the menu. My monkey impression drew unwanted attention to myself.

‘For heaven’s sake act normal,’ I demanded of myself just as the two women at the next table looked over. I slammed the cup down, causing the boiling liquid to splash onto the top of my hand.

I retracted it quickly, knocking the clear vase with coloured sand inside onto the floor. A few more tables were now looking at me. Thankfully, the vase was plastic and I dropped to my knees but as I did I caught my chair which came crashing down with me. The contents of my bag spewed out along the miniature beach I had just created and a child somewhere in the near vicinity began to wail incessantly.

I think I had the whole cafe’s attention now.

The waitress joined me at my side. ‘Not to worry dear, we’ll soon get this cleared up.’

Why does she have to be so nice?

She began to gather my belongings and dusted them off one-by-one. Then she reached for my purse, which was spread eagled in the sand, proudly displaying my health inspector identification.

‘No wait,’ I cried scrambling towards it, leaving claw-like marks through the debris. But it was too late. The waitress, whose name I could see was Brenda from her sparkling new name badge, stared at my ID, then to me, then back to my ID again.

Without a word, she clipped my purse together and offered it to me. The look in her eyes spoke volumes. She knew.

In a daze I took my purse from her and merely watched as she continued to place my keys, mirror, my emergency tampon and antibacterial gel back into my bag.