Journal of a Servant

of a Mama's Boy

April 1 – 10 o’clock

Dear Self,

I hate the way I am. God designed me to make a fool of myself, and I wish he’d take it back.

Today was April Fool’s day. Usually, I have lots of fun pulling little pranks on the young Prince and watching the royals and nobles prank each other much better than I ever could. But today I also had to attend my rehearsal for the upcoming performance. I usually have so much fun there. Not today.

Today, I walked in and everything was dark. There was no one there like there usually was, and I suddenly felt my hands get sticky and my back get tense. I’m scared of the dark, you know.

All of a sudden, about half of the cast jumped out from behind the large curtains of the stage. I screamed, jumping backwards and feeling tears suddenly rip out of my eyes. I never knew I could begin to cry so loudly so quickly. I swung my head around and saw Nana standing beside a few other people. She had her mouth covered by one hand, giggling softly. Before I knew it, my face was buried in her stomach as I hugged her for dear life. I expected at least a quiet apology, but all I heard was laughter. And names.

They said I screamed like a girl, called me a ‘soprano’. They said I was a baby, a real girl. Some of them asked if I was a eunuch. And they called me a ‘mama’s boy’.

The last insult stopped my tears and made my lips purse. Nana started patting my back but I squirmed out of her arms, bolting out of the practice room. I hid in my closet until it was time for dinner.

All the names hurt, all of them, but I had never been called a mama’s boy before. Usually they keep that one to themselves.

I don’t have a mother, you know.

-- Daniel Xavier

___

Green eyes closed and exhaled a breath so large, it was as if he had been holding it in since the moment he wrote those sentences. He traced small wrinkles in the paper that painted small circles in the pages. They probably still smelled like saltwater.

He stared at them, wondering if the residue on the paper would still be somewhere in his eyes if his little heart never broke on that day.