Passion is the Divide Between Hunger and Need: A Tears of Shame Novel

Chapter 20: Crash, Crash, Burn

 I'm not sure how I feel about this chapter, but here goes...Please enjoy =D

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Recap:

I lifted my eyes from the ivory page and immediately felt numb. Every emotion I had ever felt twisted and crashed in my heart like a violent tornado that ripped trees from the earth and left chaos in its wake, with nothing left but unadulterated devastation.

Because that is what I was… completely and utterly devastated.

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Chapter 20: Crash, Crash, Burn

Xavier POV

“Ronan?” I asked, confused as he entered my office and plopped onto the leather couch on the left of my desk. He looked sad and stressed, to have said the least.

“Have you seen her, it’s been hours.” He replied sadly, all traces of our previous disagreement had vanished like they never transpired. He ruffled his blond hair mercilessly and let out an exasperated sigh. I felt so horrible for him. The pain he went through in the past few hours must have been immeasurable.

“Please relax Ronan. You don’t know how she is going to respond. Her reactions are always so… unexpected.” I replied casually, tried hard to force a reassuring smile on my face when I knew he hadn’t bought it for a second. There was no way she would not have been upset by this. She was many things, but a selfless saint with no capacity for anger she was not. She may have been extraordinarily compassionate, but even I had a very bad feeling about his.

His only response was to grimace sorrowfully. Yes, he had done a horrific thing, and although I understood and had forgiven him, I couldn’t have said that the thought of it hadn’t hurt me still, even if only a shadow of what it had when I found out about it. It was difficult to have offered him my forgiveness, and believe me it was hard fought, but nonetheless it had to have been done. He was still my brother. Aria loved him and so had I. Nothing would have changed that, I saw that now.

“Look, it may not be so bad. She is incredibly mature for her age, not to mention compassionate. She may just understand if you exp…” He cut off my encouraging words with forceful ones of his own.

“Understand? I fucking raped her mother! What is there to understand X? She’s never going to forgive me. I might as well be dead to her.” He shouted dejectedly. I saw that he had lost all hope, but I however, had not. 

“Please Ronan, just give her some time. She just needs time.” I responded thoughtfully. I knew this was torture to him. I saw it in the paleness of his face and the dark hollows that rested under his bloodshot, teary violet eyes. It killed me to have seen him this way. I wished I could have changed the past, but that was not possible. I opted for a subject change to have redirected his morose thoughts and kept him occupied.

“Did you see Stefan tonight?” I asked abruptly, to which he responded with a confused glance.

“No, why?” He replied, still befuddled and curious. I was a bit worried that Stefan had missed Lia’s birthday party. It was unlike him to have been so careless with the only living connection he had to his beloved daughter.

“It’s very out of character for him to miss Lianna’s party. He never called or gave any indication that he would not be attending. I guess I’m just a bit worried.” I answered honestly. Lia was like the sun to him and he was the planet that revolved around her. He never would have done that to her purposely and hurt her feelings in such a way. I only hoped she hadn’t noticed or taken it to heart. It would have been one more thing for me to have worried about.