pulling on your heart to push my luck

Epilogue

I didn't watch the island disappear as I sailed away the following morning. Rather, I stood at the bow of the ship and kept my eyes on the horizon. I knew I wouldn't see Republic City for another day, nor did I want to. I just didn't want to admit that it was over. I didn't want to resume my life as normal, I didn't want to go back to hoping every day that I'd come home to a letter from Korra, and I didn't want to fall asleep wondering when I'd even get to see her again.

But I couldn't face Kyoshi Island, either, so I stared at the ocean, vast and seemingly endless, and settled for this in between where I didn't have to think about work, or my conversation with Ushi, or the fact that I was falling in love with my best friend. For once, my life was quiet, it was peaceful–

Until the little girl a few yards away from me shrieked, "Daddy, look!"

I heard it emerge from the water before I saw it, sending swells that crashed against the side of the ship. Out of the corner of my eye I could see a massive fin, quickly followed by an orange head.

"What is that?" She yelled.

"It's an elephant koi!" I shouted to her. It leapt into the air and came plummeting back down again, splashing us as its enormous body smacked the surface of the water.

The man grabbed his daughter's hand and pulled her away from the railing to keep her from getting wet, yelling for me to follow suit, but I couldn't. I leaned over the edge, lost in a fit of laughter, welcoming the spray as it breached a few more times before swimming away.

By the time I made it back to the estate the moon was high and the sky was dark, save for the lights of the city. I thought I would be happy to see them again, and that after ten days in sub-zero temperatures I'd need to start a fire in the fireplace as soon as I got back, but I missed the dark sky and all its stars and shed my coat as soon as I stepped off the ferry.

Grandma Yin had left the lights on in my room and in the foyer. Asides from that, there was no indication that anyone was still awake. I dumped my bags in my room and decided to make myself a cup of tea before bed. As exhausted as I was, I didn't want to let the trip be over yet. I knew that as soon as I went to sleep I would be surrendering to the life I was required to return to.

But if I could stay up then I wouldn't have to admit that my time with Korra had ended–I could still be in vacation mode.

Not that my ten days in the South Pole were a vacation by any means, but it felt the same as when you struggle to bring yourself to sleep on a Sunday night. You don't want the weekend to be over just yet. It already is, and you'd be better off if you gave yourself a good night's sleep to start the week, but you'd rather savor it a little longer.

I took so much time drinking my tea that it went cold. There was probably a lesson to be learned there. I got up, dumped the rest of it down the sink, and tip-toed my way through the dark hall when I realized I had left the foyer light on. As I turned it off, I noticed a pile of letters where I normally left my keys and my purse, with a little note on top from Grandma Yin to let me know that they were all addressed to me, and to go straight to bed once I got home, because I'd need all the sleep I could get before waking up for work the following morning.

I tossed the letters onto my bed, kicked off my pants, and dug Korra's shirt out of my bag, pulling it over my head as I crawled under the covers, where I began flipping through the letters to see if there was anything interesting. I threw them across the room as I opened them–they were mostly fliers and coupons to local restaurants and businesses, a couple invites to fancy events, an envelope addressed from President Raiko himself, and lastly, one from Korra.

I stared at her letter for a few minutes before perching it against the lamp on my nightstand, unopened, and fell asleep, content with my decision to put off accepting that we were once again apart until the morning.