pulling on your heart to push my luck

Nightmares

I could see Korra lying on my bed out of the corner of my eye. She was on her stomach with her elbows propped up on a pillow, resting her head on her left hand and talking with her right as she excitedly listed all the things she wanted to do together at the festival. There was still a week until it started, but she was so animated and bright that I had to keep forcing my attention back to my reflection in the mirror. I'd been trying to do my eyeliner for fifteen minutes but kept getting distracted because I couldn't look away from her for long. How could I?

Our eyes met in the mirror and I darted mine away back to my own reflection.

"I don't know how you do that every single day," she said. "It takes so long."

"It's not so bad, once you get the hang of it."

"When did you learn?"

"I think I was like, 13? Maybe 14?" I guessed, finally getting the chance to trace a line along my lashes. "My mom always wore eyeliner and lipstick and I wanted to sorta follow in her footsteps but my father was pretty strict about it."

"How'd you convince him?"

"I told him I needed to practice before I started actually working at Future Industries," I flicked the line upwards, "once the image of the company was on the line he couldn't really say no."

"Do you think you could teach me someday?" She asked.

I paused to answer before starting on my other eye. "Of course. I didn't think you'd be interested in this kind of stuff."

"I mean, I don't think I could wear makeup every day," she said. "But maybe I could for special occasions?"

"You'd have to practice, though," I told her. "The only reason I'm good at this is because I do it every day."

"Hmm," she huffed as she leaned on her other hand. "Maybe I'll just have you do it for me, then."

"I'd love to!" I smiled as I accepted the invitation, accidentally smudging the line that I'd just drawn.

"It'll be so cute, us getting ready together."

I loved the idea of us in my room, listening to music on the radio as we picked out what to wear, but " cute " made me flinch. It wasn't that I disagreed. It would be cute. I wanted her to be back in Republic City and I wanted us to spend time together like that. I wanted to use my finger to pat a light layer of lipstick onto her mouth drag my fingernail along the edge of her lip to clean it up.

What the fuck?

But she looked so hopeful at the thought that someday that could happen. I wasn't going to squash that dream. And, however selfish it might have been, I wanted it, too. "We would be the hottest people there," I said.

She grinned. "You say that as if we're not already the hottest people everywhere we go."

                                                               *****

"Here, you cut along this line," Senna said, tracing her finger along the abdomen of the fish. "It's going to get a little gross, so don't worry about making a mess."

I dragged the knife along the fish and watched some of the organs spill out onto the wooden cutting board. "You weren't kidding."

"I guess you don't really have to gut your own food living in the city, you probably get it all prepared and ready to go from the market, huh?"

"Honestly, I don't cook all that much," I admitted. But I had stupidly promised Korra that I would cook for her if she let me come visit. I'd practiced a couple recipes before leaving Republic City and they turned out mediocre at best. Edible, but not enjoyable.