Chapter 19: We're All Damaged

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Barry sped through the streets until he arrived at a warehouse where Oliver and I were looking over the phone. We turned to him. 

'Felicity can crack the encryption,' Oliver said. 'Use this to track down Harkness,' he said, holding the phone in his hand to show Barry. 

'You two tortured that guy,' Barry said, still, apparently, in shock over the situation that had just unfolded moments prior and how calm and collected we were being over it. 

'We interrogated him,' I replied coolly. Barry scoffed. 

'When my friend said your tactics made you two criminals, I defended you because I thought you were supposed to be heroes. I thought we were supposed to be better than them.' 

'Barry...' Oliver said, but his words trailed off. He took a deep breath and spoke. 'You live in Central City, where it's sunny all the time and your enemies get cute nicknames. You're not in Central City.' 

'Yeah.' 

'I live in a city where my best friend was murdered, where a woman that I loved was shot full of arrows and sent tumbling off of a rooftop. Where our mother was murdered. So before you -' 

'My mother was murdered in front of me, too,' Barry said. 'But I don't use my personal tragedies as an excuse to just torture whoever pisses me off.' I scoffed and rolled my eyes at this. 

'Well, I'm sorry, Barry, but we're not as emotionally healthy as you are.' Oliver and I turned and walked away from Barry. 

'What's wrong with you two?!' Barry shouted. We turned. 

'When we agreed that you were staying, we decided that it would be on myself and Evelyn's terms. If that is proving too difficult for you, you know your way back to Central City.' The two of us turned again and walked away. 


At the hideout... 


Felicity was cracking the encryption on Marcos' phone with Diggle and Caitlin watching, while Barry sat on the steps, looking rather upset, and apparently so was Oliver, because he was staring at the glass cases. I was sharpening my daggers and arranging them carefully, letting Cisco look at them and gawk over the designs. I overheard Lyla walk over to Oliver and ask him a question. 

'Everything all right between you and Speedy?' He looked at her, confused. 

'What? Roy? We're fine.' 

'I meant him,' she said, looking over at Barry. 

'Oh,' Oliver replied softly. 'We, including Evelyn, had a... difference of opinion about the way the world works.' She nodded. 

'Yep.'

Sometimes they don't see it.' 

'There are people in the world who deal only in extremes -' 

'And it would be naive to think that anything less than extreme measures will stop them,' Oliver finished for her. 

'Sometimes bravery isn't enough. Sometimes the world requires us to be bold.'

'Whatever the personal cost.' We were all cut off from our separate activities by Felicity saying, 

'I got him. He's in a warehouse at the corner of Infantino and Adams.' 

'Is that -?' Lyla began to say. 

'ARGUS spy satellite?' she asked. 'Yeah. Maybe. Thermographic imaging shows ten bodies inside.' 

'Harkness knows we're coming,' Diggle said. 

'I can track his phone's position with this,' Cisco offered, holding up Marcos' phone. 

'Cisco, you're with Diggle and Roy. Evelyn, as always, you're with me.' I walked over to get my stuff ready as Barry walked around the corner of the glass cases. 

'I'll race you there,' Barry said. Oliver said nothing, only nodded and walked over to where I was to help prepare for the fight. 


Hours later... 


We'd been played by Harkness. We rushed back into the hideout to see Lyla motionless on the table, and instantly I got flashbacks of when Sara was lying dead on the table. Diggle ran to her and cradled her head gently. 

'Lyla? Lyla! She's not moving,' Diggle said panicked. 

'I've got her stabilised,' Caitlin replied, 'but I can't operate on her here.'

'Barry...' Oliver said. Barry walked over, looking to Oliver for instruction. 'Starling General's at 8th and Wilcott.' Picking her up, he sped off. I ran a hand through my hair. 

'I'm gonna get a bloody panic attack if I'm around here a second longer. I need some air,' I said, and walked out of the room. 


Third Person POV


He found Evelyn sitting in an alleyway, taking swigs from a bottle of vodka. She looked up and offered the bottle to him. 

'Want to tell me what's going on?' he asked her. She shook her head, her eyes glassy. 

'I'm fucked up, Oliver,' she replied in a broken tone. 'I kill because I got nothing else to do, I lie because it keeps the people I love safe when it drives them closer to danger, and I drink at all other times because it helps numb the pain. Barry was right about us. We're both damaged. I've got scars I can't heal, pain I can't fully numb - the weight of so much on my shoulders, on our shoulders and I think - how can someone fully, truly love me? How can someone love me as I am, as broken as I am?' His back hit the wall next to me and slid down to my level. 

'You know, the thing with the word broken implies it can be fixed.' She laughed, taking another swig of the bottle. 

'Not me. Apparently, I was destined to be loveless forever. But not you. You could have it all, if you let it in.' 

'Have it all? What do you mean?' 

'The girl. The dream life. You could keep your secrets and still have Felicity, if you really wanted.' 

'I don't -' She laughed again. 

'Don't play dumb with me, Oliver,' she said, looking up at me with a tear trickling down her face. 'You love her. I see the way you look at her, the way you long for her, the unspoken pain of unreciprocated love. You just can't stand the thought of having someone else to truly lose.' 

'You're drunk.' 

'You know what they say, people are more honest when they're drunk. And as for that remark, I have a very high tolerance to alcohol. You can blame the Russians for that one.' She stood, stumbling a little, then threw the bottle, causing it to shatter violently, spilling what was left of the clear fluid. 'You could have it all, Oliver! You could have what I've always wanted! I will never have what you have. I won't have the relationship. I won't have the friends. I won't have the love of someone who is willing to take me as I am, all of this. Because, let's face it, I will never be you.' 

'You're not me, Evelyn,' he replied, crossing the space to grab her hands in his. 'You're you. You're smart, you're funny, you're kind, you're bold.' She scoffed and ripped her hands from his. 

'The last thing I would describe myself is any of those words.' 

'Then what? What words would you use?' 

'Hold on a second, let me grab some notebook paper and I'll write you a mile long list. Just let me be, Oliver. Let me be. Go be with your friends. They need you more than I do.' She stumbled slightly out of the alleyway and to the right, walking away, out of his sight. 

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