»»---Echo---««

Chapter 9 - Memories

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I hadn't had a room to myself before.

Well, in the cell I did, but now I had a real bed. With sheets and pillows and a mattress instead of hard concrete.

The only downside was I had to share the room with another cadet.

Her name was Sophie. The same cadet I had bumped into in the hall. She was currently a cadet on the D-squad, where I would have been if Cruger hadn't assigned Sky and Bridge to my rehabilitation. I hadn't gotten a chance to talk to her much. Training, tutoring with Bridge, appointments with Kat, and eating and sleeping took up most of my time. It was great, honestly. Most nights I went to bed with my head spiraling with everything I had learned that day and the ache in my muscles lulling me to sleep. No needles necessary.

It had been a few days since I had seen the Rangers. My appointments with Kat had started yielding results that left my head spinning and my chest tight. Memories flooding back into my mind like the fiercest of rivers, it had started to become overwhelming so Kat brought me a journal to start writing it down.

It started out with small things; me eating a meal, the school I went to, pieces of clothing I had, and even some memories from when I was with Gruumm. So many memories in so little time. I tried my best to jot them down as they came to me but didn't always get to write in my journal.

There was one I wanted to forget, one I wish had stayed in the darkness.

I was so young. Or... I felt young. My head had barely come up to Gruumm's waist, my swordsmanship was so sloppy, I almost died fighting against the team valiantly defending the planet. I kept trying my hardest to remember what they looked like, but the screams of the fallen made me want to stop digging for it.

"Are you alright?"

I jumped at Sophie's voice. The room had been almost dead silent, with both of us studying or reading on our beds. My pen went still on the page as I looked up at her confused.

"You've been pausing between each sentence."

I looked back down at the page, "Just... trying to find the right words."

"What are you writing?" she asked, sitting her textbook down on the bed.

I shrugged, "Just a journal entry. Part of my therapy."

"Oh okay," she said, "Well I hope you find the right words for it."

Staring blankly at the page did nothing to help the memories playing over and over that I could not put into words. I needed to document them, so I wouldn't forget, but I just couldn't.

I tucked the journal under my pillow and left my dorm to head to the command center with Kat. I knew the Rangers would be back soon and I wanted to greet them before I went to training.

"I've never seen anything like that, that big ol monster crying!" Z laughed.

I stepped up between Sky and Bridge at the control panel, "Crying? One of Gruumm's monsters?"

"Yeah, you should've seen it!" Sky smiled.

"Maybe it was his birthday and no one remembered?"

The Rangers all chuckled at Bridges theory before a booming voice cut us all off, "Are you laughing at me?"

Cruger stood in the doorway glaring at us all.

"No sir," Syd started, "We were just-"

"May I remind you you're in an SPD control room, so I expect you to act accordingly."

I jumped at his tone and Sky placed his hand on my back gently to keep my from toppling backwards, "Sir, we meant no disrespect we were just-"

"If you cannot comply with my request then I suggest you take your childish behaviour elsewhere!"

"Wait a minute!" Jack barked, "I don't care who you are, you can't talk to us like that!"

"About time you took on your leadership role Jack, and I suggest you lead your squad out of my sight!" Cruger huffed.

I glanced over at Sky to see the same freaked out expression that I had.

Cruger let out a growl, "Out!"

The Rangers all hurried out of the command room, Kat grabbed my hand to lead me to what I presumed would be the lab.

"Not a word from you either Manx," Cruger sighed.

Kat huffed as we followed the Rangers back to the common area of the dorms.

"Kat, what's going on?" Sky asked.

Kat sighed, "Years ago, the Troobian forces invaded Sirius, commander Cruger... he lost everything. That's not an excuse for his behaviour... but I just wanted you all to know."

The memories started to stir in my brain, images of what seemed to be a female Cruger... another Sirian.

I turned on my heel and marched back to the command center.

The doors slid open and Cruger sat with his back to me, "Sir?"

He growled in response.

"I'm starting to remember."

"Remember what cadet?"

"The... attack on Sirius... sir. Why didn't you tell me? Why didn't you tell me that I was there?"

Cruger finally spun around, glancing me over.

"Sir... I didn't remember until recently. I can't even remember how long ago it was, but I was so young. It was right after Gruumm took me from my planet I'm sure... but I just wanted to tell you something."

"Spit it out cadet."

His voice sounded so defeated, so weak compared to him barking orders to us earlier.

"I..." I paused, closing my eyes trying to put the right words together, "Commander I am so sorry I didn't do anything to stop him. I didn't know there were any survivors from the battle. And I'm so sorry about the woman-"

"Isinia. My wife's name was Isinia."

I met his eyes, a look of either remorse or defeat covering his face.

"I'm so sorry about Isinia."

Cruger stood from his chair and moved around his desk to stand in front of me, "You have nothing to be sorry for Cadet. Gruumm was the one who forced you to fight on Sirius, I'm thankful you joined our fight against him."

I straightened my posture, saluting him before walking back out the way I came.

I felt his eyes staring into my back as I left.

I went back to my room. Luckily Sophie wasn't there and I was able to sit on my bed and write down more of the details coming back to my mind. I don't know how much time had passed, but the tight feeling in my chest lessened as I kept my pen on the pages. I should really get Kat or Bridge to check over my spelling and tell me what I did wrong. I just hope I'm ready for my test next week.

Cruger's supposed to be monitoring that. My mind drifted back to our conversation, and the anxious feeling returned to my chest.

I wondered if he truly meant what he said.

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