OnlyUs

We're Going To Get Better

"I want to do a therapy session together." Alex looks up at Jack from where he's sitting on the bed, Jack at his desk going through his last photography session, editing and deleting the pictures that he truly felt were garbage and didn't deserve to even take up any space on his memory card.
Jack turns in his chair to face Alex, "Why?" He questions, not because he doesn't think it's a good idea. In fact, he's certain that it is but he knows that it won't be all sunshine and roses like he wishes that it could be in a perfect world. 
Alex sighs, "Well, I was talking to my therapist yesterday and I told her about the almost sex we had last week. I told her that I was sort of afraid to go further and when she asked me why, I couldn't really explain apart from the obvious. So then she suggested that there's the possibility that I'm emotionally blocked from it. I told her that I don't feel emotionally blocked, that I just wanted to 'get it over with' and just do it. That's where she told me the emotional block comes in." He looks at Jack to make sure he's following along and quite frankly, his boyfriend just looks slightly confused, but it's apparent that he's taking it all in the best that he can by the little nod that he gives Alex to keep going.

"So anyway, she said that it isn't so much as me not being emotionally ready for the sex part, but the fact that I haven't been able to be fully open with you about everything. Because honestly, you and I haven't really talked about it. You know what you know. You know what most of the state of Baltimore and the surrounding states know. You know some of what I told you, but you certainly don't know all of it and I'm not even sure that I want you to know all of it, but I think that she might be right that as far as my mental state goes, just doing it isn't going to satisfy either of us. Just doing it might even make me regress so I think that it's a good idea to have a session with her, where you and I just talk in a controlled space. Is that something you'd be willing to do? I mean it wouldn't be a phone session, we'd have to go back to Baltimore to her office to do it, but would that be something you're willing to do with me?" He asks, biting down on his bottom lip, trying to gauge and dissect the expression on Jack's face.

Jack thinks on it silently for a moment. He's made his own personal progress with his side of things, and he's quite proud of himself for it, but Alex is right. They've never spoken too insanely deeply about what happened and what it did to their relationship as two people in a partnership, not just as individuals.
With a bit of a nervous nod, Jack lets out a quiet "Yes." 

Alex nods, "Okay...So I can call her to schedule that...You don't work Tuesday or Thursday next week, right?"
Jack shakes his head, "Nope. I'm off those days. Go ahead and try to schedule it for one of those days and we'll go. I'm not going to lie to you though Lex, I'm nervous. I agree though, that if we're going to talk about everything for the first time, it needs to be somewhere controlled with someone in the middle who can slow us down if things get too intense. Not saying I'm going to like, get mad or anything like that, but you know, calm us down if things get overwhelming." He hopes Alex understands what he means, and he seems to with the small smile that plays on his lips.

Alex gets up and makes his way over to the desk, sitting down on Jack's lap.
"What are you working on?" He asks, taking over the mouse and scrolling through the pictures.
"School pictures?" He asks, looking at the high school logo on a letterman jacket a boy who can't be out of high school yet is wearing.
Jack kisses his cheek, arms around his lover's waist.
"No, school is already out for summer, senior pictures were already taken. These are for some event the school is hosting for the senior football team who've been accepted to different colleges. This kid got into Princeton on an athletic scholarship, so his family wanted some really nice pictures to celebrate the moment and to bring to the event." He smiles at Alex, who's contently scrolling through the hundred or so frames that Jack got.
"Well they look really nice. You're so good at what you do, really. We should do another photoshoot sometime, sort of like you did with our sneaky little six month anniversary. Those pictures are some of my favorites. Maybe we can get someone else to do some couples photos of us though, as cheesy as that sounds." Alex blushes a little at the idea, wondering if he sounds stupid.

Jack hugs his brunette boy close to him, kissing his cheek again.
"I'd love to get some good pictures of us together. The selfies are great, and I love having the random little polaroids taped to the wall by the bed, but some cute ones to frame would be really nice. We can see if I can set something up with one of the other photographers. We could do something outdoorsy, have them come here and do a candid one where we're just in our natural element, like one of you cooking and me being in your way as I typically am would be really cute, in my humble opinion." Jack gives Alex a cheeky little grin, who's rolling his eyes at the fact that Jack indeed is always in his way as he cooks. At least he's a cute pest in the kitchen.