My Lucky Charm is a Rose (HSMTMTS)

23. I can't believe it...

I think today is the only day that beats the day I came back in terms of the number of whispers behind my back. I can hear every single one, fragments of sentences surrounding my secrets and a big meeting after school.

"What else could she be hiding?"

"I can't believe it..."

"She's really a part of the original..."

"...original HSM crew."

"...meeting tonight with drama..."

Pieces and parts of conversations drift in one ear and out of the other, not able to distract me from the speech still forming in my mind. How much I have to tell them that will blow their minds is beyond anyone's comprehension. Sure, I kept secrets, but not just for me...

"Juliette, what is this meeting about?" EJ stops me at my locker, hoping for any kind of answer. But, to keep my sanity, I don't want to think about everything I've done to wrong everyone here and at North High. I'm so close to just falling apart thinking about it that another tear is threatening to fall.

"I'm not telling anyone before the meeting after school," I respond curtly, hoping to conceal my upsetness by saying as little as possible.

"Really? Nothing?" Yes, EJ. I'm not telling.

"Yes," I reply, feeling my tears continue to form on the brim of my eyes. Slamming my locker, I decide to spend my free period on the roof.

"Juliette, are you okay?"

"EJ, don't pretend you care about me anymore, okay? I don't need the fake sympathy or for you to act like you could possibly care about me whatsoever." Blinking once, I feel the tears roll down my cheeks as I make my way to the staircase to the roof. "It doesn't make me feel any better."

"Jules, please..." I don't even turn around to see him plead his case.

"EJ, I'm sorry, but I can't put myself through all of this again." Shutting the door behind me, I barely make it to the steps before crumbling down and crying into my hands.

It feels like my whole world, everything I ever worked for and wished for, is falling through my fingers like sand. I guess it was all a ticking time bomb waiting to blow.

"Juliette, hey," I hear half of his words through my sobs, but those words I can barely decipher because the guilt is pressing down so hard. It's only been eighteen hours since I sent the email, and only a few hours after I felt the guilt wash back onto me.

"Jules, please. I've been thinking about it and what we've all been doing to you is just not fair. I can't imagine being put through everything you have, okay?" Finally, my ears decide to listen to what he's saying. "And I promise I'll try to get everyone else to do the same."

"It's not just that, EJ. But, I want to tell everyone at the same time," I explain, not divulging into the details of how I betrayed everyone by helping North. Even if I didn't ever tell North anything, I doubt it'll go over at all well when I tell them.

"Hey, whatever's happened, provided you didn't murder someone, we'll all get through it. Together." I don't know. I seriously doubt it.

"Maybe. But, you have to go to class, EJ. I'll see you later." He seems to accept that I don't want to talk anymore, going to his class while I spend my free hour looking out to Salt Lake and all its natural beauty.

My next three actual classes pass quickly as I think more and more about what I want, no need, to tell them. How I lied to them about almost everything, who I really am, and why I did it all. During my final class of the day, I outline every point I want to cover. There are still things I want to hide, but it's not like they're bad things, just things I wanted to keep a surprise. Like Kenny Ortega coming for the opening night performance or how I'm posting the songs they wrote to raise money for the theater program. But, those are good secrets, not bad ones, in my opinion.