Irreplaceable you || TFP Ratchet x Femme reader

7. The 5 stages of grief

Stage one: Denial

"I don't believe this. You...don't know who I am..."

Ratchet slammed the table with his fist, startling the femme as she jumped a little, the doctor apologizing right away as a small tear left his ducts. She was back, and he was grateful to have the love of his life back, but she was different. She couldn't remember him or anyone else, and he was determined to figure out everything that went wrong, or even how she was alive and well after he seen her seemingly offline.

"I'm sorry..." She said, looking in his optics. "I can't remember anything recent, actually."

"Do you remember the war?"

"Yes" she spoke. "I remember the war and how it started. The...there were two sides. warzone. Fire on the planet. I escaped on a pod alone, and that's where it cuts off.

Ratchet frowned. He was with her every step of the way, and although she told the correct story, he was completely gone from her memory, as if he never existed. So she remembered everything but him, the thought bringing him back to tears.

"I need a moment..." Ratchet said low, walking to the opposite side of base.

"Excuse us." Optimus stated, servos on the shoulders of Bumblebee before he pushed himself through the small crowd and walked in Ratchet's direction.

Stage two: Anger

"Why can't she remember me, Optimus! She remembers everything else but me, why, why, why! Why is it always me that gets hurt?!" Ratchet yelled and sobbed to his dearest friend in privacy. Y/D was situated in the main hanger as the others tried to make her feel comforatble.

He was angry, balling his fists as his vision blurred together, the lights in the room making him dizzy. Optimus held him, letting him cry on his shoulder. "I...do not know."

"Why?!" Ratchet yelled, shuffling the things off the counter as he sobbed. "Am I confusing her even more? Am I hurting her? My whole life, all down the drain for nothing."

"Let us rationalize first."

"Optimus, she was my life. I seen her die, and yet she's back!! How can we rationalize anything anymore?! At least before I could grieve on my own, but now, knowing what we know, makes this whole situation so much worse for me."

"May I suggest we find out how this came to be before making any radical decisions and connections?"

Ratchet sniffed, nodding his helm. Once he calmed he apologized, and the two of them pulled out their Cybertronian datapads.

The two of them looked through the encrypted files of anything relevant to what could've happened to cause this. From diseases to case files the duo researched for a long while, until Optimus' optics widened.

"Ratchet...I might have found something." Optimus said, pulling the screen to face him, before pointing to the drawn picture. "Your...your sparkbond could have resulted this."

Ratchet's optics squinted as he read the words planted before him. He read the article, the old words being the sole source of what Optimus thought could've happened, and it being extremely rare, had most of the population dis-believing in it.

The article hailed from a mech written long ago, who described his relationship with his lover.

"We fell out of love" He wrote, Ratchet reading every word carefully. "And out of rage, when she was in complete stasis one night, I ended our bond." The mech then went on to say: "I was satisfied after that. Life went on. But I knew she would wake up soon angry with my actions. I even prepared a little sorrowful speech. But when she woke up, she didn't remember me."

"No one believes me when I say I was the cause of my ex's memory loss. She remembered everything but me. I felt like I got a new chance to make her fall in love with me."

"Ratchet, do you think this is what happened to Y/D, in different terms?" Optimus said, article being read over and over by the doctor. It made sense to him, sadly.

"The sparkbond must have woke her back up, and being in stasis, had no recollection to store her memories once the bond was swept clean." Optimus sadly said, Ratchet in disbelief that he was the cause of this. He was both the reason of her waking back up and losing her memory. There was a catch any way they looked at it, for he never knew a sparkbond was this powerful.

Stage three: Bargaining

"Why her?!" He cried. "This was my doing! Why does she have to suffer because of my actions?! It should've been me that day. She deserves so much better..."

"Ratchet" Optimus said, lending his servo out to his friend. "Please to not beat yourself up more than you already are. We did not know of this result. I shall try my best to research as much as I can to see if there are more sources on this condition, and if it can be reversed."

Ratchet felt empty. How can he go face her now that he's found out all this information. He's hurt them both without even knowing it, oh, how it killed him inside. He kept trying to negotiate to himself but nothing he did can be reversed now.

It was time to stop living in the past and face the future.

The two mechs met up with the group once they were sure they knew what happened to her. Without Y/D hearing, they explained what they found to everyone. They didn't want to let the femme's mind wander more then it was with this added information, and besides, she couldn't remember him nor understood what this meant anyways. How would the information benefit her other than hurt her further?

"Are you sure that's what happened?" Arcee asked, everyone looking to the femme sitting on the couch.

"We cannot be sure about anything, but from our conclusion of the past experiences found, I do believe this is what happened." Optimus said, closing the datapad now.

"Poor fem." Bulkhead spoke, looking to Ratchet. "No offense of course. You didn't know."

"I did not, but it doesn't make me feel any less guilty." He said, frowning.

Stage four: Depression

The base quieted down a little after such a hectic day, the femme laying all snuggly on the Cybertronian sized couch, stabilizers to her chin as he held a mug of energon, a blanket wrapped around her as her optics watched the tv.

Ratchet was leaning on the wall not too far away, remembering how she always loved to sit like that, and how much it bothered him since he always just wanted to hold her.

"But I'm warmmmm" She whined, Ratchet reaching out to hold her anyways. "You'll be just as warm in my arms, now suck it up."

The memory made a smile peak on his dermas. He so desperately wanted to go over and just simply hold her. Hug her. Anything. Now she could sit like that all she wanted without him there to stop her, and it bothered him, a tear running down his cheek. He'll stop crying eventually, life gets easier, but it was a nice, open wound right now.

"I want to apologize for my outburst before, you just seem very familiar to me." He spoke up, the femme's helm shifting to look for where the voice came from, settling on the mech leaning on the wall a distance away.

"It's okay, I understand." She said with a smile, extending her servo. "Do you want some?"

He held his servo up to gesture a "no thanks", before walking a little closer. 

Stage five: Acceptance

"My name is Ratchet." He said with a smile, re-introducing himself like he didn't know everything about her already. The hidden birthmark on the bottom of her right pede, the mismatched bolts on each digit of hers because she thought it was "cool", the secret tiny little decal-tattoo she's been able to hide from just about everyone on her stabilizer, or even how she smiles without showing her dermas because she likes how her cheekplates puff out. It killed him inside, but he did it for her.

"Y/D. Pleasure to meet you, Ratch."

~