The Science of Deduction Does Not Extend to Relationships

Chapter 21: Three Years Later

Chapter 21: Three Years Later

            It had been three years since that day, the day Sherlock had…well, since the day Sherlock had died.  For some reason, and I still don’t know what that reason is, I was completely unable to say that Sherlock had killed himself; I wasn’t even able to think that phrase to myself.  Sure, I was able to say that he was dead or had died, but there was just something about killing himself, about suicide that I was unable to come to terms with. 

            Life had moved on in a way, and by that I mean that I was able to get out of bed and live every day and smile again.  The pain of losing Sherlock never really went away though.  Where at first I could feel a physical pain at the loss, it had gradually become a dull thudding that would occasionally spike and blind me with a splitting pain.  This really only happened with certain triggers though: certain songs, phrases, or memories, and forget about Les Miserables.  It was impossible for me to see or listen to it without breaking down immediately. 

            I went to work that day a mere ghost of the person I was.”  Hey Lilly!” Spence greeted cheerily from his desk as I sat down.  I looked at him without really seeing and didn’t respond.  “What’s wrong, sweetheart?” he asked.  “I haven’t seen you like this in years, not since…oh God it’s been three years today hasn’t it?”

            I nodded vaguely.  “Yes.  To the day,” I responded in a whisper, not trusting my voice to stay strong.

            “Why are you here?”

            I scoffed at him halfheartedly.  “I can’t just stop living my life Spence.  It’s not like there’s anything I can do about the past.”

            Without another word, Spence stood up and walked into our editor’s office.  “Hey, Lilly is sick as anything but she insisted on coming today.  I’m going to bring her home before she gets the entire office sick,” I heard him say.  I rolled my eyes as he all but pranced back over to me.  “Boss insists you go home now until you’re over whatever illness is ailing you.”

            “Ass.”

            “Love you too sweetheart.  Now let’s get you home, in something comfy, and the mother of all medication—chocolaty goodness.”  I smile weakly at him and followed without argument.  Spence did, after all, know what was best for me even when I didn’t.

            When we got off the Tube at Baker Street, Spence’s mobile went off.  After a short conversation he hung up and turned to me.  “I’m sorry sweetheart, but I’ve got to go cover a fire right near the Euston Square Tube station.  Boss wants me on it because he knows how close I am.  Will you be okay to get home?”

            “I think I can figure out my way home from here,” I smiled at him and kissed his cheek before ushering back into an Underground car and promising to take care of myself and eat plenty of chocolate.  Spence had actually managed to cheer me up a bit, but what, or rather who, I saw pacing outside the door to my flat surprised me and spoiled that entirely.  

            “Lils!” Alex exclaimed as he saw me walking up to him.

            I pursed my lips and gave him a Lilly glare, causing him to visibly flinch back.  “Two things Alex: one, never call me ‘Lils’ and two, what the bloody hell are you doing outside my flat?”

            “It’s just…w—well, you see, I’m…uhhh,” he was clearly struggling to find the right words, or any words for that matter.  Even on a good day I wouldn’t want to deal with this and, unluckily for Alex, this was not by any stretch of the imagination a good day.