Love Me Tender (A Kaimelia - Kai Bartley/Amelia Shepherd - fanfiction)

Part 27

Merry Christmas again and well.. my apologies 🥺

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I don't know whether to feel relieved or sad to find the apartment empty, with the exception of Fiddle. At least he's there to happily greet me and I take a minute to scratch him behind the ears.

I notice Kai's coffee mug drying on the counter which means that they've gone to the lab. Moving around the apartment, I grab my things and head towards the bedroom. The bed is made and I suddenly feel guilty for not spending the night there. The thought feels odd.

It's not like I did anything wrong, I just spent the night at the same hotel that Link was at. Not the same room.. just the same building. But I guess Kai doesn't know those details and maybe that's the thing making me feel guilty.

Fiddle comes to join me in the bedroom, quickly understanding that I'm packing and so he starts to help. Sadly, he isn't too great at it since he keeps bringing me random things that don't belong to me. It makes me laugh for a second and I stop packing to pet him some more. Eventually I do get my suitcase packed and prepare to leave.

This is the tricky part.. I was sort of hoping that Kai would be here and I could tell them face to face that I'm headed back to Seattle. But maybe doing it over text would be more painless. Then again, that seems very cold and distant of me. I wonder if I have enough time to go by the lab while closing and locking the apartment door behind me. Should probably return this key anyway.

I only make it about ten steps from the apartment door when the decision is made for me, because Kai rounds the corner and stops immediately, looking very surprised to see me there with my bag.

I can see their eyes moving from my face to the suitcase in my hand and then to the floor and it feels like someone is squeezing my heart tightly. "Um.. Hi. I was coming to the lab to talk to you.." I say and it feels like a lie, even though I hadn't decided against it yet.

"You're leaving," Kai says, already realizing what's happening so they don't even bother to form it into a question. They rock on their heels, finally looking up at me, but not the way they usually do. It feels like there's an invisible wall going up between us and.. maybe that's for the best.

"I'm cleared to fly now and Link offered that I could go back with them so he can make sure I'm fine on the flight. I mean, I have to go back at some point so this seems like a good time," I nod, trying to explain it in a way that sells Kai on the idea as well. But it just sounds like I'm going back for him, so I quickly add: "I have work piling up and Scout is also missing me."

Kai looks at me weirdly, the emotion behind those eyes incomprehensible. "And Link is too, it seems," they say and immediately shake their head as if they hadn't meant to say it out loud. I guess that answers the question on whether they think something's going on with him again.

"I don't know and I don't really care. I'm going back for my son and my sisters and my patients. There's nothing between me and him anymore," I reassure them, but it doesn't seem to make a difference. Maybe there's nothing between me and Kai anymore either. But that's how I want this to go, right?

"And what about us?" Kai asks, handing that decision over to me and I drop my eyes to the floor. I'm so torn, not knowing what to do or say or how to deal with this. Feeling this much for someone this quickly is absolutely terrifying and the addict in me wants to run as far as possible. I feel like I can't breathe and it's not made easier by the fact that they take a few steps closer to me.

I feel their warm hand lifting my chin, forcing me to look into those green eyes I've grown to love. "Why are you pushing me away?" Kai asks, their voice barely above a whisper.

I try my best to numb my heart as I stare back at them. "I don't think I can do this," I answer, my voice quiet as well. I watch Kai as they just look at me for a few moments, probably searching for the truth in my eyes. But it's buried so deep that even I can't find it.

"You think or you know?" they ask then, but I have no answers, no explanation. I just feel like this is all too much and my gut is telling me to leave before it all blows up in my face. Or maybe it's the fear talking. I can't even tell.

"If you want me to leave, you have to say it out loud," Kai says eventually, breaking the silence. I remember all too well the last time they gave me an 'out' like this. I didn't take it, instead inviting them to spend the night with me.

Maybe that was my first mistake. Or maybe this is.

It's not that I don't want to do this, I just can't. And they deserve more than the mess that I am. This wouldn't work anyway so I'm just saving us both from inevitable pain. Right?

"I do.." I say quietly, looking past them at the wall now. I can't force myself to see the heartbreak I'm causing. "I want you to le-" is all I get out before the warmth of them leaves me.

Kai appears calm on the outside as they step around me and head towards their apartment. I look back at them and am almost certain I can feel my own heart shatter. Watching them walk away makes the alarm bells go off in my head and I open my mouth to say something. To call after them, to apologize, to say I was wrong.

But it's too late and I watch the door close behind them, quietly, with a soft click, leaving me alone in the corridor. And the surrounding silence numbs me to a point where even tears won't come.