Love Me Tender (A Kaimelia - Kai Bartley/Amelia Shepherd - fanfiction)

Part 15

I'm walking down the street, enjoying the fresh cool air. These past few days have been hectic to say the least and I've hardly had a moment to catch my breath. I was naive enough to think that the conversation with Link would be the last I'd have to have on the topic of my tumor. And then Bailey started asking me about schedules and my available OR dates and I caved and told her as well.

Being Bailey, she took it well, being the rock for me and telling me that my emotions are valid and that she respects my choice to have the surgery in Minnesota. If only she could get Link to agree.

He's been giving me the cold shoulder ever since we had that talk and we are currently barely on speaking terms. Maggie tried to be the middle man this morning and get us together in one room to sort it out, but he basically just walked out on me so I'm done trying too.

I stop at a crosswalk, waiting for the light to turn green. My feet know the way, I've walked it many times, so my mind is free to wander. It just so happens that as soon as Kai enters my thoughts, my phone also starts ringing and low and behold - it's them.

"Okay, kind of creeped out, I was just thinking of you," I say instead of 'hello', answering the call. The light turns green and I look both ways just in case before walking across. We get enough patients in the ER who've been hit by reckless drivers, I don't need to be one of them.

"I'm intrigued, tell me more," I can hear the amusement in their voice and realize that my sentence may have come off a bit.. strong.

"No," I say with laughter, changing the topic before this gets too embarrassing. "How are things at the lab?" I feel guilty that Kai and Meredith have to work extra now that I'm going to be away for a while. I even contemplated holding off on the surgery, but there is risk of my symptoms worsening so Tom disagreed.

"Same old, just running some more tests now. But that's not why I called," Kai keeps their answers vague. I'm not surprised, they've already banned me from the lab, saying that I need to rest and focus on my health. They're not wrong and as a doctor, I'd recommend the same to anyone. But it's really hard to just step out in the middle of it all.

"Why did you call then?" I ask, feeling the curiosity in me rise. I'm almost sad that I'm only five minutes away from where I'm going. We text pretty much all the time, but hearing their voice and having an actual conversation this way is a lot nicer.

"To ask how you're doing. I know you have a lot on your plate and you tend to downplay how you really feel," Kai says, their voice genuine. "But you can't lie to me now or I'll hear it in your voice. So come on, out with it."

I smile at that, a part of me surprised that they already know me well enough for that. But then again, they are very observant and notice a lot of things most people haven't. "I'm.. angry, I think. Or maybe holding onto the anger so I don't feel any other emotions that might be worse," I say as honestly as I know how to.

Kai is silent now, listening to me and I know that however poorly I phrase this, they'll understand anyway.

"I'm angry that I have to go through this twice but mostly that my sisters have to. It's unfair to them," I begin to open up more about it. "I'm angry that Link took it so badly and that he's not even talking to me. I think he's being selfish and seeing this as me choosing Minnesota over him and my son. He thinks I'm abandoning them and it makes me furious that he'd think so little of me."

It took me a while to realize why Link reacted the way he did. But I'm fairly certain now that it all comes down to Minnesota. Yes, he's supportive of my work there but as soon as I started staying for longer periods of time or casually mentioning that I took some time off to walk around the city, he starts blaming me for wasting time there when I could be here with Scout instead. He's convinced that I'm going to just leave my life here.

"Sounds to me like you're human, Amelia," Kai says gently. "I'm angry too. But that's just the tip of the iceberg. I'm also sad and worried and anxious and guilty."

I sigh heavily, nodding to myself even if they can't see it. "I think I'm all of those things as well," I say. Also, defeated. Can add that to the pile. Something else catches my attention though. "Why are you feeling guilty?" I ask then. Everything else I can give a reason to but I can't think why Kai would feel that.

"I guess perhaps a selfish part of me thinks that I'm the reason you're spending more time here. Which in turn makes me the reason behind your fight," they elaborate and I can't help but smile.

"Perhaps that part is right. But that doesn't give Link any reason to judge my choices," I disagree slightly. I'm a grown woman and we've separated so honestly his reaction still baffles me.

"Maybe he's angry too," Kai says simply, of course seeing the good in everyone and trying to, very selflessly I might add, make me understand his side more.

I stop at the familiar door, smiling to the woman currently entering it and holding it open for me as well. I take the chance to slip inside the quiet hallways and lower my voice. "Whatever the case, it's not really my burden to bear," I say with another sigh. "But hey, I should go now, I'm.." A part of me wants to still lie, to make myself seem less of a mess than I actually am. But there's no point in hiding the ugly parts. "I'm going to a meeting and it's starting in a few minutes."

"Better grab a good seat then. Call me whenever, I'll be here," Kai says and I feel relief flooding over me. I'm always on edge when my addiction comes up in conversation, but nothing seems to faze them and I'm eternally grateful for that.

"Bye," I say quickly before ending the call, a soft smile on my lips. I enter the room and sit down on one of the available chairs set up in a circle. Most of the faces are familiar to me, which feels comforting in a way. I'm not in this alone.

The chairperson coughs a few times to get everyone's attention and as the meeting starts, I already feel a bit lighter.