Shiver

SHIVER LINE 5-6

Well, I guess, attending weddings is not that happy after all.

So, I decide to leave.  I left and I went to 'Dream', a classy and pricy club for bourgouises like me, to have a pint or two.

You see, in spite of the fact that I am at the end of my training contract in Clifford Chance and able to earn a starting salary of HKD $30,000, I just don't know why I have yet to buy a car.  Oi.  At least a car.  I just don't have one.

Now I wish I have those pseudo-sports car, i.e. Nissan skyline.

Anyways, I take a 20-minute walk to 'Dream'.  

Dream.  

How I wish everything is a dream

There is something distinct about this club.  The dancing pool and the bar is actually separated, i.e. the dancing pool is on the upper floor and the bar is actually on the lower floor.

Normally, I would go straight to the dance, trying to flirt and pull a few girls.  But tonight?  Nah.  I just go straight into the lower floor.  Oh, it is actually the first time I went to the lower floor.  

' May I have a glass of martini, stirred ice, not broken, please'

I sipped my martini once i got it.  I always found wine bitter.  But tonight, it seems to me that martini is the bitterest shit in the world.  The bitterest shit ever.

When I was half-way through my drink, I started to get a bit dizzy.  When I finished the whole drink, I just can't walk properly.  As i am about to lift up my foot and put it on the first step of the ladder, I blacked out.

When I woke up, I saw myself at a decent and cosy house.  Yet, it is definitely not my house since the TV is on, but it is not playing BBC news but some fucking Chinese news channel.  So, where am I at?

'Where am I ?'

‘You are now at my place.  Don't worry, everything is fine'  Someone said with a kind and sweetening voice.  The voice.  It seems deja vu.  I seem to have heard it when I was 17.

'Em, are you here?'

'I am not Em.  I am Annisa.'

"To me, you are my Emma.  Oi,I thought we reachead an agreement on I can call you Em when I was 17?'

She did not answer.  That's my girl.  That is just so her.

I gasped.

'Ouch!'

'You alright?'

' What the fuck happened to my ribs ?!  It hurts!  It fucking hurts!'

' Oh you blacked out in dream last night and when you fell on the floor , you broke your ribs.  You were lucky I was having a drink there. Then I picked you up and sent you to a hospital.  If not, you might have been dead.'

'Thanks, Em.  I do owe a lot, innit?'

'Let's not talk about this.  Now, you stay here and don't go to work.  I already took a day off, just to look after you.'

'You gotta be kidding me?  Me not going to work?  You fucking serious?!  Cough.... Cough.....'

'Just stay here, alright ?'  She stroked on my back.  Gently.  For the first time after being a playboy since Uni, I genuinely feel loved and cared.

'You know, you don't have to be that good to me.  I don't deserve it.'

'No Mike.  You always deserve the best.  I will always be there for you.'

'Aw.....'  

'You know, you are the only girl who really care about me.  I mean, it has been a decade since we first known each other, still, you care about me.  You are so nice to me.  I feel guilty for not staying contact with you during unis....  Sorry.'  Tears started to come down from my eyes.

She turned her face around.  I heard her weeping.

I lied on her couch.  We started to talk about the past, present and future.  I wanted to say, ' Em, would you be my girl?'  for like a thousand times, yet, when it comes to love, I am a sucker and coward.  I just don't have the courage to say it out.

Before this, I was lost.  I was lost in my work since it was too overwhelming.  The daily hassles and the overwhelming pressure just buries my true soul.  My energy is eaten up bit by bit. Everyday, I wimped ' Oh Lord, help my poor soul'.  I was so into this prayer that for a period of time, I actually thought that I was Edgar Allen Poe.

But now, this misery, all this shit, the shit with Andrew, it was over.  I just could not be bothered to care and save the innocent girl like old times.  

Why?

'Cuz.....

'Cuz....

'Cuz I reunited with my Emma Morley and she lit my life up.  I found a sense of purpose in my life again.

I slept.  I woke up.  i slept again.  I woke up again.  I saw her dozed off.  Yet, this did not bother me.  

As far as she was there, then that's fine.  As far as my anchor is with me, a beast like me, can always be tamed and oriented.

I always had the phobeia that she left me dying alone.  Yet, she was still there.  

So,should I elovate the soulmate ship to a decent, proper relationship?

Don't know.

Well,

fuck this shit.  I better catch some sleep and more importantly, enjoy every millisecond with her, sitting by my side.