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Part 31

POV Y/n

I don't know for how long I've been sitting against the bathtub, I still feel pretty weak. I don't feel like moving at all but surprisingly, it's not because I pulled a pin the size of my thumb out of my forehead, even though that is a good enough reason. It rarely happened but it was the kind of sadness that just pinned you down and drained you from every ounce of life you have in you. You're not crying your eyes out until your eyes burn but you're too tired to do anything at all. 

I finally managed to stand up and stared at the wall, I just felt... nothing... or too much. I couldn't even figure that out. After a while I rinsed my face and brushed my teeth, I got out of the bathroom, I grabbed my car keys, a bottle of wine and drove exactly where I needed to go. Hope's mom's house, I got out of the car and noticed her, sitting in her garden with a tray of tea and cookies. I sat down next to her as she wrapped her arm around my shoulder:

"

- Let it all out my love. I guess that sentence was exactly what I needed to hear, because the second that sentence left her mouth, I could already feel tears forming

- Thank you for being there. I opened the bottle and took a sip,

- I knew you would get rid of that blockage, just not that fast. You're "badass" or whatever kids say these days. She chuckled 

- It's true that I am a badass. I'm also an idiot

- Tell me everything, and pour me some of that wine, I'm sure I'll need it for whatever you're going to tell me

- Sure, I'm also going to eat some of these cookies, they look delicious,. I poured her a glass and got myself a chocolate chip cookie

- So from the beginning

- I like this man, I love him even, so much, despite all the shit he put me through. Like, the motherfucker stabbed me, one of the servants of his house beat my ass, his brother electrocuted me, almost killing me, his dad threatened to kill my little brother. Despite all of that, I would still do it all over again for him, without regrets. He's everything I want, but I don't deserve to go through all that shit. 

- You must be so tired

- I am, I pulled out a pin, the size of a fucking marker out of my forehead, I have an idea of how it got there, but I'm just glad it's out

- Apart from that, you're so tired

- It's just that... I love him so much. I know it's not healthy to love someone like him. I didn't want to leave him, but I needed to leave him. Even though I left, not by choice but I technically still did, he'll never feel sad and broken like how I felt when I realized that I might never be able to have the kind of relationship I want to have with him.. It's barely been a few days, I don't think I'll ever get over him. Even if I try as hard as I can to get over him, I won't be able to. I'll always randomly remember him, through songs, through something as simple as long hair, the color black, green, hugs, cuddles. There's a thousand and more ways that I'll remember him. I'm such a fool for loving someone who I can't be with.

- Who said you can't be with him?

- He erased my memory, knocked me out and dropped me in front of my friend's house, I don't think he wants us to meet again, let alone date. 

- You love him so much, more than anything else, it's so obvious. If you ask me, he did this for you, his family hurt you so much, to him, the only way for you to never get hurt again is to be as far away as possible from him and his family. He is right, you are safe, but at what cost?

- I don't care if I'm safe or not, I want to be with him. Literally everything and everyone, every sign is telling me not to. It makes things so much harder for me, he makes things so much harder, but I keep liking him. He'll never know that I think he's the prettiest person to exist to me. He may be broken, he's like a broken vase out back together by gold, still visibly broken but so beautiful at the same time, and he'll never know how much it fills my heart when I see him. Whenever I'm with him, my heart feels so full that I feel like I might explode of happiness, almost as if my happiness depended on his presence. I want to stop, but I can't, and it's hurts me to the core, so much that I want to destroy everything

- My poor baby, he's your one true love

- He's my soulmate, and I want him back

- Love I don't think-

- I want him back, but I can't. I feel so pathetic, look at me, heartbroken over a guy who I didn't even date. It was better when I didn't know him

- You're not pathetic, you're human, with feelings, and you're so strong

- I'm starting to doubt that

- Most people I know wouldn't have survived half of the things you went through. You're a warrior, physically and emotionally. I know you, it will take some time, and you'll cry about it, again and again and again until one day, it won't hurt anymore. That day, you'll be ready to find happiness elsewhere. 

- Thanks for being there... wow, all this talking and crying made me so tired, I'm so sleepy. I loudly yawned and laid down on the grass, dropping the empty bottle next to me

- You can sleep over, we have a spare room,

- Thanks... mom.

"

I softly smiled before drifting off to dreamland. 

To be continued

Author's note: tbh I'm not a big fan of that chapter, this week will be a busy ass week for me so I wanted to give you guys something in case I disappear again for weeks (which might happen, we never know). I still hope you enjoyed this chapter, do not hesitate to vote, comment or leave any constructive criticism, I'm always open to advice and would be happy to improve my writing in any way. Have a good day/night

I love you all <3