A Dance Of Gods ✓

17. Thanksgiving

Taylor

   I sip my morning coffee slowly, using my other hand to play with my cross necklace. The charm is smaller than my thumbnail but it's surface is almost reflective enough to serve as a mirror. There's a tiny diamond at the top, almost too small to see unless you're squinting- but I never cared about that. I cared that Kaden's mother liked me enough to give it to me, and it became even more valuable when she died two days later.

  I watch the sunrise as I knock back my last sip-
thinking about  how fast I've changed. Last week, I wouldn't have drank coffee unless I were extremely sleep deprived. This morning, I woke up while it was still dark and made a pot for myself without thinking. I thought about Rhea momentarily and went back to check the bed, finding that she wasn't in it. I shrugged- it isn't unlike her to stay out all night, then had another heart attack when I noticed Elrinora leaning against the wall.

I set my cup down and just stare at the sky some more. You don't realize how fucking beautiful everything is until you're pissed at the dude that made...literally EVERYTHING.

The fresh cherries I mindlessly shoved in my face while I watched the coffee trickle a few minutes ago? His creation.

  My fucking existence? Him.

  Before, at least there was a small fragment of doubt in the back of my mind, grounding me. I could continue to practice my religion while pushing that doubt away, telling myself it was a curse of the modern world- but I'm more lost now that it's gone.

  Now that I know how truly shitty god is, I feel guilty for enjoying the small pleasures he's afforded us. I feel tempted to just cross my arms, refuse food and petting cute animals- but I'd only be punishing myself.

  I see him everywhere now and it annoys the shit out of me. I can't look at the flower pots hanging from Rhea's balcony without seeing the ones IN HEAVEN- or the vines on her sliding glass door. I stare at them for a second, contemplating how pissed she'll be if I just tear them down- but decide against it. My issues shouldn't be her decorator's issues.

  I know I should be getting ready by now, opening the shop early- but I can't bring myself to move. And I know it isn't fair to Rhea; She's losing money with each second my feet stay planted here- but my brain isn't functioning properly.

What's the point in working when you're friends with a billionaire and celestial beings? Aren't they supposed to be fucking gazillionares or something? Surely they could spare a million without batting an eye-

  No. It doesn't matter what they are. I can't let myself rely on them or anybody else. I am still mostly a human, which means I'll have to suffer through a human life.

  I realize I was picking at the diamond now, my thumbnail almost bloodied. I turn the charm over and over again, remembering a much simpler time. It's crazy how long ago two months can feel after the days I've had.

  I was so nervous to meet Kaden's mom because for the first time I was in what I thought was a healthy relationship. Now, I clench my fists and my fingers tingle when I think about him( not in a good way). We woke up smiling that morning.

I could look into his eyes forever. They're so genuine, so real- and the way he looks at me makes me want to jump his bones. I know better, which is what makes this so hard. Sometimes I do wish neither of us grew up religious. Maybe then, our conscience's wouldn't gnaw at us anytime we look at each other suggestively. When he reaches over just to feel my face in his hands, I melt.

  He isn't perfect. Neither am I- but that's okay. We connected instantly, and he is the first guy to ask me to meet his parents.

  When I stand up, he pulls me back onto his bed and my heart skips a beat. I am a Christian. I am a Christian. I am a-