Chapter 4: Lost to my trauma

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It's been 4 been four days since I first came to berlin. I am loving this change in atmosphere that I am getting. At the same time, I miss mom and dad. I never thought I would say this but I am missing home. I did move out when I was eighteen because of how unhappy I was at home but things changed last year. I am twenty-one now and done with my university. I was supposed to have a job or at least pursuing my master's but everything is just out of place for me right now. Everything feels weird because I was somebody who was focused and have things planned for everything. I had a goal to achieve in my life but I can't even think about what's going to happen tomorrow with me. 

That one event in my life has changed the way I see my life. It's more like I just live in today rather than thinking about tomorrow. Part of me has accepted that no matter how much I try I will never get to have control over my life. My every day is a battle with myself. I am breathing and barely surviving life. Call me dramatic but it is what it is for me. 

The is up in the bright blue sky. The room is well light with bright sunlight yet Jason is sleeping soundly on the other side of the room. I called dips n the bed so he got the couch as his bed for the next two weeks. initially, I was concerned that the couch might be uncomfortable for his large body frame. I even considered switching with him but hear him snore loud enough to vibrate the windows. I think he is good! 

I have been for a while but still peacefully laying on the bed. We have been busy being touristy the last two days. We went to few monumental places, took some pictures, and had few drinks. So far things have been going great. We are supposed to go somewhere today as well. Some church an hour from where we staying. I was scrolling through my Instagram for any updates from ABYSS. 

They are my favorite kpop band that coming to Berlin in few days. Currently, they are the biggest band in the industry. I became a fan 5 years ago. And since then they have been with me thick and thin. More than celebrity crush they feel like some virtual friend. Like I know everything about them. Call me obsessed but fangirling is a life skill.  It makes you selfless and teaches you how you can love somebody without wanting anything in return. 

However, I am upset about the fact  I am losing my closest chance to see them in person. If only I knew I would be coming here I would have booked my tickets for their concert. It has been months since their tickets have been sold out.

 It's okay as long as I will breathing the same air as them. I contend with the pictures of them boarding their flights that have been surfaced on the gram. Everyone's wishing them a safe flight on Twitter. Good going then. 


"Safe flight, ABYSS" I whisper to myself as I look at the pictures on my cellphone. I was facing the window side when I hear Blake knocking on the door. I turn on the other side of the door. Blake is standing by the door frame holding on to the knob. 

"You are up already ?" Blakes looked confused. Okay, maybe because I have never been an early bird in my entire life. Not to blame him.  

" I never slept...thanks to him" I glared at Jason who was still snoring. To be honest it was my thoughts that kept me up not him but Blake doesn't need to know that. 

"I am sorry I will move the couch to the living room later"

"It's okay. You already gave us your room. I will get used to him" I assured him with the best smile I could put up seven in the morning. His room was technically was the biggest room in the house so he gave it up for us and shifted to the guestroom. 

"Okay.. oh yeah... I am going to the lab today for an emergency call" he rushed to his wardrobe to fetch something  "So stay at home or visit nearby places if you guys want" 

"I will be back late in the evening " He completes as I see him shove some papers and files into his bag. 

Blake works as an assistant scientist in a pharmaceutical company. He was kind enough to be our tour guide for the last two days but he got to go to work. Looks like we two are on our own now. Even before coming, he promised us accommodation but not his company. He is a busy man and we don't blame him at all. After all, he has always been like this.

"Okay..I will let you know if we are going anywhere" I tell him as he nods his head and leaves the room. After a minute I hear the main door close.  

I got up and freshened up without waking up Jason as it was still too early. I put on a blue dress since the weather was sunny but not too hot. Seemed like a good day. It took me good 5 minutes to wake up Jason. I called his name, punched him on his arm, tried to shake him up, and few more methods before he lazily got up from his bed. 

"Get up! We are going out for breakfast" I shook him by the shoulder a few more times but he refused to open his eyes. 

"What time is it,?" He asked with his morning voice. This guy could sleep through the apocalypse, I swear. 

"Late enough to still be on the bed," I tell him as I walk out of the room. I could hear slow footsteps behind me as he follows me to the living room. 

"Kay, I don't want to go to church" He announces as soon as he walks out of the room. He was covering the blanket around him like a child walking up to the living room couch. 

"We are not going to church," I said while searching for nearby cafes to grab a quick breakfast. "Blake had to run to his lab for some work. It's just two of us today " 

"Then why are we going out. Let's stay in " Jason replied sleepily as he was slowly laying on the couch. 

"Of course I came across the ocean. All the way to Germany to stay in." 

"I am Jetlagged, kay !" He cries from the couch " Let me stay in for today. I will go wherever you want from tomorrow. Just not today"

I couldn't fight with him on this. He slept through a car ride back to the apartment yesterday. Also, I forgot how this might be his first break in a while since joining medical school. He will soon be joining the residency. I shouldn't force him into anything he doesn't want to do. Moreover, he wasn't interested in this trip until when mom insisted on him to look after me. 

"Fine.. take rest!" I told him while putting the cellphone on the counter. I think he noticed the sad tone in my voice. He looked up at me from across the room. 

"Kay, I.. "

"No, It's okay. I will go on my own. " 

"Wait, Let me get dressed then... " Before he could finish I grabbed my bag from the kitchen counter and left the apartment. I think I heard him me but I just rushed out with tears streaming in my eyes. I swear I am not a crybaby and it's not because of Jason but I felt a sharp pain in my chest. This made me impulsively run away from the room. 

Before I could know anything I was jogging my way out of the building to near the bus stop. I saw a bus passing by that's when I ran to catch the bus. I climbed the bus as soon as it stopped by the bus stop. Since there weren't any more passengers, the bus took off. 

I was trying to catch my breath going to the back of the bus. Through the back window, I saw Jason coming out of the apartment building on the street. He was looking around for me. I couldn't help but feel bad for him. It's not like it's his fault. 

My head was definitely clouded at this point. I closed my eyes and let my head down for a while for me to calm down. What I didn't know was that closing my eyes would be the worst decision ever. 

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Author's note :
The story is unedited!
Another shortie! I swear chapters are gonna get longer after chapter 5 and I will be updating more frequently. I will be uploading chapters every Tuesday and Saturday. Also, I am getting into the habit of writing on Wattpad so Hwaiting!

QOD: Where do you think Krystal is going? 

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