Dear Tasia,
2021 has been a tough year for you. Where 2020 was a year most people would like to forget, you on the other hand, are still romanticizing those 12 Covid-ridden months. It was a year when...you could truly say you were happy in. You had your grandmother, for starters...and just last year she was dancing happily on her 80th birthday. What a big adjustment to be without her not even a complete year later. Through your hardships, you've learned a little more about the young woman you see in the mirror:
1️⃣One, you're more emotional than you thought.
I never cried so much in my life than I have this year. My emotions have gotten the best of me most days and as I explain in my writing all the time; my tears just fall effortlessly at times. My nose gets stuffy and red....it be ashame. I don't like this side of me because I've never been a...cryer, and I hate feeling fucking fragile 🤷🏽♀️
2️⃣Two, when I'm fearful of something...I avoid it at all costs.
So I kind of knew this but it has become vigilant to me as of recently. So it's these bugs that are invading Pennsylvania. They're called lanternbugs and they like to jump, especially on people. Tay is at the point where I'm not even is walking my dog because them bitches all up in the trees near my house. I don't do bugs okay😬
3️⃣Third, I really have an anxiety disorder.
Again, I knew this but going through the emotions this year has also been tough on my mental. I have a habit of over-worrying about this and I can't stop thinking about it until it's passed. For instance, I just got my driver's license and like anyone, I was nervous. But days before, it was the only thing I could think about and it barely escaped my mind. I struggle with calming my nerves down as well no matter what I try. Music and breathing help a little but I definitely think I should seek more help.
4️⃣Fourth, losing family is tough.
Fortunately, I haven't experience a lot of death in my family. Just this February I lost a very prominent member of my family and it still tears me up. Tears are rolling down now as I type this, like this type of...hurt...is no joke. I know with time it'll get better and it has but, losing my grandmother I think will also be an emotional hardship for me.
5️⃣Fifth, love is painful,confusing, frustrating, yet fulfilling when it's good.
I know what it's like to genuinely love someone outside of your family. It's what made me happy all of 2020 despite covid, despite the lockdown. Hell, I didn't want lock down to end because of the extra time I had with this person. I...know–well I already knew what it's like to fall in love. It happens gradually and it's an abundance of feelings. You know when you're there when thoughts of a future together enters your mind, you fear losing them even if they're an ass, and well...everything they do is enchanting. Yet when hardships comes...it really shows you exactly how much you like that person. If they do some hurtful shit and you can still smile, cry and laugh at the good times....chances are, you genuinely cared about the asshole.
6️⃣Sixth, when people get a new boo...they change on you.
It's a topic that really makes me feel bitter but it's been true in my life. I realize that when that new boo comes into the picture, you're a little less...important. And I've lost friends because of this. Good ones...
7️⃣Seventh, I don't like procrastination.
Yep...those individuals that love to be last minute with shit; I ain't for it. Long story short, I had a summer class this summer and was put into a group. We had assignments and some members waited until the last 30 minutes til the due date to do shit. Look– I don't care if you take all day to do something but when it involves me and a group collaboration,...be considerate.
8️⃣Eighth, there's really so dumb-ass, ignorant, entitled people in the world.
I can't stand entitled people. The world doesn't owe you shit and you're not the only one the earth revolves around 🤷🏽♀️ I just wish people were more rational these days. Like this whole b.s. with the vaccinations is stressful. If people don't want to get the vaccine, they have that choice. It's their body. People who got the shot, you're not fucking invincible from catching it. It's crazy how privileged the "vaccinated" act and try to push their views. Same with the unvaccinated folk who are conspiracy theorists about the government 🙃. ....I just can't. Recently with US events like the election and this, it's has really been exposing the stupidity and entitlement in this country.
Aight...I'm done (for now, maybe, idk)
–Tasia 08.11.21
