Beloved

ten

"What could possibly make you believe that I don't want this? I'm sitting here in this shitty apartment with you every single night so that you can spite the man you refuse to divorce, and for what? You can't even amuse me with the idea of marriage." My heart burned with rage, as it always did.

"I keep telling you its not like that. I'll sign the fucking papers when I have them to sign!" He scoffed at me.

"Of course, my mistake. And when's that gonna be? After a few more play-dates with Angie?"

"That was one singular time. And it was to see the house before its gone forever."

"You seem to care a lot about a house you claim to have been so miserable in." He fired back strongly.

"Yeah I was pretty fucking miserable after I lost my daughter in that house, and then my husband. And splitting up with my husband of 7 years kind of sucked too since we had been together for fifteen fucking years and all. He's all I ever had known. Can you give me a goddamn break on letting him go?" I pleaded, reaching for his arm and he pulled it away.

"No. Because you should have let him go before any of this started. I want to marry you, Jessica. I want to be happy with you for the rest of my life, and you've been weird. You've been weird lately, and I've tried. I really have tried to be everything you could ever ask for... but still, you're clearly moping about the asshole who cheated on you and let you leave. He let you." I just stared at him blankly.

"Get out." Were the only words I could muster. He picked up his jacket and slammed the door behind him. Tears were streaking down my face. He was right. He was nothing but right.

I had been the one to leave. The one to decide that Mason and I were done. I should have been done with him before. A long time ago.

Nothing I did could ever escape the thought of Mason. Rarely did a day go by that at least one moment wasn't consumed by him. I told myself that it was just early. It had still been less than two years. But I knew it wasn't, it was wrong. I wiped tears off my cheeks and dragged Angie into my lap.

What was wrong with me? I loved Emmett. He had done nothing but treat me well, love me, want me. My fingers dialed Ashley's number before I could hesitate. She picked up within two rings.

"Hey, Jess. What's up? We're all at Red's if you want to come down." My breath halted for a second. I was interrupting her night. Again. I wiped a tear and tried to gather myself quickly. "Jess?"

"Oh. Uh, no thank you. I was just calling to see how you were." I could hear the voices in the background of the call.

"Is everything okay? You don't sound good." She knew better than that. She knew me better than anyone.

"Just a long day, I'm fine, Ash." I tried to smile to make my voice sound more believable.

"Are you guys fighting again? Where are you?" The background noise got quieter and I assumed she had gotten up to talk to me.

"I'm home. I'm okay, really. Enjoy your night, seriously." I snuggled Angie closer to me.

"Come to Red's, everyone's here. It'll make you feel better." I seriously doubted that. To the best of Ashley's knowledge, we fought because Emmett was insecure of Mason. To her knowledge, I had never given him any reason to be so. But I knew that I had.

Mason had a new girlfriend, her name was Kendall. He seemed happy. We had intermingled within the friend group on occasion, which was why Ashley thought Emmett was insecure. God, I was a mess.

"No no. I'm fine, I swear. I'll talk to you tomorrow, okay?" I promised and she obliged unsteadily. I hung up the phone before she could protest. I let the phone fall onto the ground with a thud and pulled Angie and my blanket over me on the couch. Something was seriously wrong with me.