Recovery

Chapter 50

I decide to play it down as if I don't know what he's talking about.

"You remember what, exactly?" I ask, giving him an indignant look. I'm especially thankful at this moment that I am as close to perfect as is possible when it comes to masking my emotions.

"Grace," he says, his voice low and tense. "You know exactly what I'm talking about."

I look up at him, forcing my eyes to open wide, mimicking the expression of a deer in headlights.

"I have no idea what you're talking about," I lie, shaking my head. "I think you're confused."

"You were in my room when I got home, Grace. I was so drunk. And you took care of me and got me to bed and laid down with me," he explains, telling me something I already know.

"You said you were drunk- maybe it was just a dream, Avery," I dismiss.

"Grace," he growls, tilting my chin up so I can't help but look at him. "Stop lying to me."

Knowing that I won't be able to convince him that last night never happened, my gaze hardens, and I take a step away from him.

"Whatever, Avery. It didn't mean anything. You were drunk, and crying like a little bitch. I couldn't help myself- not because I have feelings for you, but because I can't stand to see anyone suffering like that, okay? Let it go."

A smile plays at his lips, and I scowl.

"You said you have feelings for me."

"No, I didn't," I growl. "That's not what I meant."

"Admit it- you do," he teases. By this point, I've had enough, and all my self restraint crumbles.

"Fine, Avery. You want the truth? You want me to admit it? Fine," I growl. "I have feelings for you. Very, very strong feelings. Feelings that make me question why I'm even bothering to stay away from you. Feelings that cause me pain everytime I see you. Feelings that keep me up in my bed, replaying the night where you ruined everything. Feelings that almost make me go back to you- almost. Do you know why I don't? Because it's easier this way, Avery. If we started over, and got back together, we'd be happy for about a month. And then, I'd leave across the country, and I'd end up getting my heart broken. Don't even pretend we could do long distance- with me being around Jace as much as I am at home, you'd get paranoid and jealous, and it would destroy us."

He opens his mouth to object, but I refuse to let him talk. I place a finger to his lips, effectively silencing him.

"But I won't let that happen. I'm sorry- but I will never give anyone the power to hurt me like you did again."

"Grace-"

"No, Avery. I'm breaking my own heart by doing this, but at least I can say that I did it to myself."

As I finish speaking, I realize that there are tears in my eyes. Avery notices, too, and he uses his thumb to brush them away.

"How many times do I have to tell you how sorry I am?" he asks, cupping my face in his hands.

"You can say it forever and it won't be enough. Do you know why? Because Tessa is exactly the type of girl you should be with."

Avery's eyes light up in anger, and his entire body goes tense.

"I don't want Tessa. I've never thought of her as anything more than a friend. You are the only one I want, Grace. You are the only girl I've ever felt this way about."

I don't dare say that its the same for me- that the way I feel about him is different from any relationship I've ever had in the past. It's more than just an infatuation.