Double Crossbow (Daryl Dixon) [The Walking Dead]

Chapter 68 ↣ Sasha?

"At one time in her childhood, there was a scream of sorrow that never came out."

— Liv Ullman

↣ ↢

Kathryn

Daryl had been gone for hours. The only thing I could give him right now was space while I thought of something better. But my mind was the farthest it had ever been from clear. A familiar haze had laid itself in thick waves across myself.

I twirled the twine bracelet around my hands. Braiding it back together had been a reprieve. An act so simple I had been able to hold onto it fully, but I didn't want this. It wasn't mine to carry. It never had been. I rose to my feet and very carefully crossed to the opposite side of the fire where Maggie sat, staring empty eyed into the fire. Glenn was next to her, a visible support beam keeping her aloft in every way.

I sat down just as carefully, keeping a few feet between us. "This came unravelled. Daryl gave it back to me before he went out." I swallowed my nerves. I didn't want to mess up this whole consoling thing. "But I...knotted it up again if—if you want it."

Maggie reached out and took the bracelet from my outstretched hand. "This was hers? You made it for her?" Maggie's voice was steady.

"Yes on both counts."

Maggie stared at the bracelet for a long moment. I flinched away as she suddenly started sobbing. I stared at Glenn, trying to get some hint as to what I did wrong, but he was focused on her. Maggie hadn't cried when we buried her. Hadn't cried since Atlanta, and I messed it up.

"Maggie, I'm sor—"

"Please tie it for me," Maggie said in between hiccuping sobs, cutting me off.

My hands almost shook as I reached for her wrist. My gaze flickered in between the knot and her face, afraid her emotions would shift to anger. They didn't.

I pulled my hands back, but Maggie grabbed them. "Thank you."

My stomach roiled at her genuine words, and everything in me started screaming to run. I reigned in on the feelings enough to keep my movements slow. I stood and grabbed my bow before disappearing behind the treeline. I didn't stop until I reached the clearing with the freshly turned dirt.

I leaned against the closest tree. My vision began to blur, but as I heard footsteps, I swallowed the ever growing knot in my throat.

Glenn appeared in my view, and the words went tumbling out of my mouth. "I didn't mean to make her cry. I shouldn't try this emotional shit."

Glenn once again made my head spin when he began laughing. "You say that like it's a bad thing."

"Isn't it?"

"No, Kathryn," Glenn said. "You can't keep all that pain inside. I was beginning to worry Maggie would never acknowledge this...I wouldn't blame her."

I chewed on his words. "What happens when you keep it inside?"

"I think it takes up all the room for the good things in life."

Glenn left me then. Left me staring at Beth's grave. She had been so full of good. In a way I wasn't sure I could be. My insides were so knotted and hazy. I didn't even know where to begin to let some of that out. To loosen what I kept a hold of so tightly.

I flinched as a drop of moisture fell onto my folded arms. I went to wipe away the tear forming in my other eye, but my hand stopped short. I began sobbing, and I didn't let the clamp come down. I didn't hold my breath. I cried and cried at the foot of Beth's grave. I cried until I was sure there wasn't a tear left in me. I cried enough to make up for all the times I had blinked the tears away.