Chapter 26
My mind was in chaos. Emotions flashing between the darkest of despair and violent, unrestrained rage. There was nothing left for me in the world and I lost everything. Everything but the burning desire to make this fucking bastard pay. They were all gone; my parents, my friends and now Adelmar; they were all taken from me. Fingers quivering in anger, I reached for the Katana and rose to my feet. Wiping the tears and mascara from my eyes, I focused on the demonic form of the hulking Russian standing mere meters away from me. Natalov didn’t even bother with a weapon. It was a fatal and arrogant mistake and one he would soon dearly regret.
“The one thing I admire of the Japanese sensibility is the restraint they show. Always careful not to offend and so reluctant to show their true inner fire. They are cowards, nothing more than that.” Natalov mused to himself as I gritted my teeth and charged at him. He moved like a shadow, ghosting past my careless strike and grabbing my wrist in passing. With an elegant but brutal move, he executed a perfect Aikido throw, flinging me with cold efficiency to the floor.
“You’re a coward aren’t you Helena?” He asked, face set in unforgiving steel.
“Damn you!” I swung mightily at him, hitting nothing but air. The Russian cruelly backhanded me. Blood flowed from my nose and lips as I saw him remain dead still.
“You are a coward, child. You have failed everyone you ever loved. Do you remember the look on your mother’s face when they slit her throat? How helpless you felt? Nor could you save your father or your friend Gavorche. Now I took your last and only friend from you. How does that make you feel Helena?” He carried on his monologue unabated.
“I had no choice!” Valiantly, I attacked again; driving the tip of the Katana forward. I could not believe my eyes that a man that massive could move so gracefully and elegantly. In the blink of an eye, he had disarmed me before delivering a thundering shot to my mid riff. Throwing up a stream of dark red blood, I collapsed on the floor; gasping for air through broken ribs.
“We always have a choice but it’s the uncertainty that stays our hand. Look at you, for all the supposed fire, you hold back when you should unleash hell.” Natalov looked at me with disdain before turning his back and walking away. My body screaming, on the verge of quitting as I painfully rose to my feet and stumbled towards him. Fuck the weapon; I just wanted to hit him, to feel something, to feel anything again. The monster laughed softly to himself before swinging around and grabbing me by the throat. Fingers like steel pens drove into my flesh as I stared into his blood red eyes. Eyes etched with shards of pain, violence and hatred, eyes that were on fire.
He wasn’t human.
“What are you?” I gasped, desperately forcing the words out.
“Look into my eyes child, look deeply into them. There are no boundaries in me, no restrictions or petty rules dreamed up by idealists and bureaucrats. Unchecked to run free in the very synapses and cores of men and women alike. I was there throughout the centuries, the ever present shadow standing behind every soldier and warrior, waiting for them to hesitate. The moment they hesitated to pull that trigger or to strike the fatal blow, my hand would rest softly on their shoulder. I am the catalyst, the final feeling of dread before my sister claims their souls.” Stepping back, the flesh started melting from Natalov till great slabs of muscle and fat ran down his body. Eyes widening in horror, I reached for the pistol in his belt, threw myself backwards and drilled a hole straight through his forehead. The monster just laughed and pulled the slug from his flesh, blood dripping from the spent shell. With a flick of the finger, he threw it against my face. The man faded away and a black vapour rose in his place, stretching muscles out.
“What are you?” My words hollow and racked in disbelief in the abomination that was standing before my very eyes.
The demon smiled, flashing a set of brilliant white teeth as he loomed over me. “I am Fear. The cold realization that lurks in the darkest recesses of every human being. Realization that they don’t have the guts to embrace the monster inside them. I’ve always been around, since the birth of time itself. I was the one that guided Kane’s hand when he killed his brother. He wanted to show mercy, to be weak at the zenith of his humanity but he gave in to me eventually. His path was set to my will and he embraced it fully. I was there at Verdun in World War One, standing behind the frightened Tommy as he pissed himself waiting for the call to go over the top. He gave into me and I watched as his body rag dolled with the sound of German Machine gun fire. I stood on the streets of Najaf and watched as Marines pumped slug after slug into a ten year boy they thought was carrying grenades. I revelled and bathed in the delight their fear brought me.”
“I can beat you...I can beat you, you monster.” I hoarsely whispered but inside I knew that even I did not believe my own words. They meant nothing anymore.
“I am not a monster, child. I have saved many a life in my time. When they held back, when they ran and hid. It was all me. But the balance is all wrong and the universe itself has tilted. Though I adore my work, the shift to the true centre has gone awry. Even my sister Death has seen it and it brings great unrest to her mind. I have heard the others whispering behind their hands, whispering of the great fate that lies in your hands. For me, you are just a worthless child at the moment, enflamed by passion and hatred. But don’t worry; I will put you to the test.” He held me tightly by the collar before viciously head butting me. The darkness swirled around and my head slumped forward into a state of unconsciousness. His last words settled over me before my body became limp and finally gave in. The fight was over and there was nothing left inside me. An empty shell and a broken body the only remains.
“You can’t beat me Helena. You cannot ever hope to beat me because you don’t understand what it means to become fear itself, to do the unthinkable for the greater good. But rest now child, your test will begin soon.” Fear snapped his fingers and an assistant brought a silver tray over. Looking at me, the god of fear reached for the syringe of pure heroin and tapped it a few times. Taking a knee next to my fallen body, the demon wrapped a plastic tube around my arm and slowly injected the pale white liquid into my throbbing artery. I wanted to feel it burning inside me, feel it destroying me from the inside. I just wanted to feel something again. He dumped the entire syringe of that shit into me before rising calmly again.
“I truly am sorry Helena but I have to send you to hell and back now. The entire universe depends on you and we dare not fail this time.” He turned to a group of his soldiers standing nearby. “Take her to the dungeon downstairs but do not tend to her wounds, leave them as they are.” He nodded a final time as they dragged my broken and bloody body away. Something died in me on that fateful day and what was left of my shattered remains was never quite the same again.
Fear looked sadly back at me as the demon morphed back into human form and became Natalov again. In quite reflection he stood as silence fell on the now empty hall. The only signs left behind of a mighty struggle a still pool of blood and a forgotten pistol. It was like I had never existed.
“We dare not fail.” Natalov repeated to himself, bowing his head and slowly walked away. He knew what had to be done, of the horrors that I would have to face. For the sake of the balance and for the fate of the universe, he would have to destroy me.
There was no other option left.
I had to die.
