Learning to Love (Lesbian Story)

Chapter 33

“Ok your mother is better. She is drug free, she's sober, she is of sound mind and body. She is aware of the damage she's done, and she's very sorry. She's trying to make things right with this moment. She can't take back all she's done no matter how bad she wants to. It is all in the past. All she can do is try to be the very best mother she can be from here on out. So you can sit there, and you can sulk, and you be mad. But you know just like I know it isn't right what you're doing. When Grandma was alive, I know I just know she taught you and your siblings about forgiving. I just know. You were in church every Sunday, and I know many lessons of forgiving were taught.” I said.

Karlie said nothing, she just rolled her eyes at me, and stared away from me. I would keep talking anyway.

“I don't know if you understand what forgiving means Karlie. And that's ok because baby it took me a minute to get it too. But forgiving means I know what you've done to me, and I'm letting it go. I am not forgetting anything you did but I am not holding on to it any longer. Jesus Karlie you have to hear me out. I know how hard it is to let somebody back in who hurt you on multiple occasions. I know I dealt with it myself, and I'm still learning. But Karlie you have to understand when you hold grudges like you doing, baby you hurting yourself more than anybody. So you can sit out here, and you can sulk all day long. But you remember this, it's you out here by yourself, sulking, and getting angry, and filling up with regret. Meanwhile your brother is in there forgiving, and having a good time while doing so. So let that soak in.” I said.

Karlie sighed and I heard a sniffle. Was she crying? I looked down at her, and saw teardrops were falling. Huge crocodile tears rolled off of her face.

“Karlie. Wait whoa what's wrong?” I said.

“I'm not just angry Aunty Kay! I'm scared too!” Karlie cried. I got on my knees beside her, and wrapped my arms around her.

“Scared of what?” I asked.

“You weren't there Aunty Kay. She always left us alone. She'd be nice for a few days, and then her friends would come around, and she'd leave us alone. And she'd disappear for days. What if she leaves again? What if she's only good for a few days, and she leaves! I don't want her to leave! I don't want to be left alone. She use to promise to stay home with us, but then she'd leave. She'd leave! And I'm scared, I'm so scared that she'll just leave again!” Karlie cried out.

“Ok baby I'm sorry. Karlie I thought you were just angry. It's ok mama, come on now. Stop crying, you're ok. Nobody is leaving.” I said hugging her tight. I rubbed her back trying to reassure. Karlie's small body trembled with every sob. I just held her, and told her everything was ok. I let her cry it out, it seem like she had been holding this fear in for a very long time. I felt terrible for her. I just really hoped Nikki cleaned up this time, and never leaves this child again. Karlie deserves at least that much.

After ten minutes of nonstop crying, Karlie finally came to. I felt my own eyes getting watery. I had to contain myself, we couldn't both be in shambles.

She wiped her face with her shirt. Her pretty gray eyes were so red and so was her face. She wiped her runny nose with her shirt, and sniffled.

“Ok Karlie listen to me. You listening?” I said. She nodded her head.

“Ok let me make you this promise. This is Aunty Kay talking. Listen I will never leave you. I solemnly swear I'll be right here, right where you need me, every time you need me. I understand how you can have trust issues. So it's ok. It doesn't matter what happens with your mommy or anybody. Aunty Kay is gonna be here regardless. And you can depend on that. Haven't I kept my promises so far?” I asked. Karlie shook her head yes.