How to Date a Nerd

Chapter 31 - How to Say Goodbye

I lie awake again, my body's feeling paralysed

I can’t remember when I didn’t live through this disguise

The words you said to me, they couldn’t set me free

Im stuck here in this life i didn’t ask for

           ~Secondhand Serenade

 “It’s just a headache,” Becky said in her most convincing tone.

I didn’t buy it. Not for one second. “A headache, huh…” I muttered.

“She’s fine,” she added, still patting sand from the blankets. “It’s probably nothing.”

I’d seen have the headache twice—once in the hospital, the other right after Matt’s party—and it wasn’t just a headache. I mean, Sarah was good at pretending she’s okay but it wasn’t pretty at all. And the worst part, I was kind of having this paranoid idea that I was causing those ‘headaches’. Was I really causing her to get all stressed out?

In silence, I helped disassemble and pack the tents back to the trucks. It was something to busy myself with other than thinking of Sarah. I figured I’d soon have to learn to do things without her. I didn’t get to talk to again after that.

It took just three short days to arrange everything. It was official. We were moving back to LA. And this time there was no turning back. It turned out Dad and Nate were already packing things up behind my back. Really sensitive of them.

I sat on the porch’s steps for a while, watching the mover guys bring the last few boxes in the service truck Dad rented. Drawing a deep breath, I took one last look at my used-to-be neighborhood. I missed it already.

I’d surely miss being able to walk in and out of everywhere without people looking at me. I’d surely miss Chuck and Reed and Ricky, although they’d promised to keep in touch.

Ricky was hoping to make it to UCLA. Chuck and Reed had finally agreed to look for a job and maybe move in to the city someday. They were a handful, but I was sure they’re gonna be okay. Those guys were tough meat.

As the elf-truck left and disappeared into the road, I looked at the time on my wrist watch—the one Sarah gave me. It was 2 p.m. The flight would be tonight at ten. There was still a lot of time and I’d already run out of things to do. Free time was just another way of reminding me to go say my goodbyes. I won’t though. I’d always hated goodbyes.

That was when I saw Sarah cross the street toward me. She wasn’t smiling but she didn’t look sad either. More like encouraging. Like someone who’d nursed a sick bird back to health. And now she’d have to make the bird fly away even if it didn’t want to.

I burned her face in my memory. Her long brown hair that always seemed to look perfect when she was wearing it down. The way she’d always wear sneakers with everything. The way she kept her hands inside her jacket pockets whenever she got cold.

I knew I couldn’t forget her so I won’t even try.

“Leonard Daniel Walden,” she said, her palms resting on her hips as she glared at me. Or at least pretended to. “You’re not going to leave town without saying goodbye to me, are you?”

I shook my head, a corner of my mouth pulling up. I couldn’t seem to get angry at her for anything. “That was the plan, yes. But now you’ve totally ruined it.”

She answered with a sigh, pouting mindlessly, acting like the thought of me leaving wasn’t at all a big deal. It made me think that maybe she’d rehearsed this moment way too many times. Normally, she’d burst into tears and sob for the rest of the day. Now she was trying to act strong so I had to do my part.