Blue {DoTae} | complete

Eight: The weather's better

The rain decides to pay another visit, with the droplets pelting against Doyoung's bedroom window hard enough for him to wonder what he's done wrong and why the weather is punishing him. It's always unpredictable during January. The sun could be shining, then no more than an hour later the clouds have taken over for a downpour. Despite the miserable weather, his week has been rather stress-free. Suspiciously stress-free, once he puts some serious thought into it. The beads on his new bracelet click together in time with the cogs in his mind. Bongshik seems to find his thoughts too loud and saunters out of his room to go and get some fuss from Jeno instead.

"I'm probably not straight." Doyoung mumbles. The words hit the air and somehow explode into a strangling fire, too hot and too serious for Doyoung to be comfortable with the statement. He doesn't have many straight friends so they're hardly going to assume his sexuality. His little brother is gay, so his parents likely aren't assuming anything either, and yet putting a label like that on himself is a big thing. A scary thing that he also wants so badly. Since their conversation earlier, he can't take his mind off it. The voice is taunting him, sneering and spitting at his indecisiveness and only reminding him of how little he actually knows about himself as of late.

So, he consults his trusty online friend.

singingtokki
are you straight?

Doyoung's blood gushes to his head as soon as he sends the message. That was a bit too direct. Nevertheless, Bubu replies within several minutes with an equally direct response.

bubu_32_
nah

i'm definitely gay

you?

A smile blooms across Doyoung's face and he exhales with relief that Bubu doesn't seem offended or annoyed by his sudden question.

singingtokki
i'm not sure, but i don't think i am

bubu_32_
don't worry, you don't have to label yourself yet if you don't want to

plus, i'm not out to anyone

it would ruin my life if i came out to people

literally

singingtokki
i wouldn't be ready to come out either

my brother's gay and so are lots of my friends, but it's still too daunting

but can i ask how you realised that you're gay?

bubu_32_
i had a few flings with some girls as a teenager, but i didn't really have feelings for anyone until i met a guy in a random bar a year or two back. we hooked up (u don't need and probably don't want details) and we also went on a couple of dates, and that was the first time i had feelings like that for someone

so i guess it was through experimentation?

singingtokki
i can't really go and fuck with a load of guys tho, but that does help! maybe if i start paying attention to my feelings more i might work it out

bubu_32_
ofc, i wasn't telling you to do that XD

don't pressure yourself, just be comfortable with yourself and love yourself yeah?