Burning Up

Temporary

"Oh, for fucks sake!" I swore, slamming the lid of laptop closed.

I'd been sat at my desk for hours desperately trying to absorb at least one percent of my textbook, but no matter what I tried, my mind kept drifting back to Iago.

'It's only been four days.' My brain tried to rationalise for the thousandth time that day. It's not like he'd given himself a deadline for when he was going to make it up to me, and four days wasn't even that many in the scheme of things.

'The poor guy doesn't even have my number.' I thought to myself as I looked down at my phone, rolling my eyes as I realised that half of me was still hoping to see a text from him.

What does "I'll make it up to you." even mean?

I sighed, getting up from my desk and stripping off my pyjamas.

"Time for a run." I muttered, walking over to my closet and pulling out a sports bra and a loose-fitting t-shirt. I tugged them over my head before walking over to my laundry bag, pulling out my most recent pair of leggings and shimmying them on.

Nadia was out for classes so I sent her a quick text to tell her I wouldn't be too long before slipping on my trainers and lacing them up in record time. Every second I spent in the dorm felt like an eternity, and by the time I'd slammed the door behind me, my head felt like it was going to explode.

The air outside was fresh but warm, and my heart ached for the familiar iciness of English weather. I stretched lazily, holding each position for only a few seconds before switching to the next one. I rolled my shoulders back for the final time before taking off, realising belatedly that in my haste I'd forgotten to bring my water bottle.

Even as I ran, I couldn't get the image of Iago out of my head. The way his strong hands had gripped my waist and his warm tongue had swiped across mine. It was unlike any other kiss I'd experienced, the perfect combination of intensity and softness, passion and... Clearly nothing more.

I didn't know why I was so upset, I hardly even knew the guy, and yeah it isn't ideal for someone to leave halfway through one of the best make out sessions of your life, but there was probably some sort of emergency. Or his secret girlfriend calling.

I felt the pit of rejection in my stomach grow larger.

God why do boys have to be so shit.

I quickened my pace, weaving in and out of pedestrians as I ran across the square. The track wasn't too far from where I lived, but I wasn't in the mood to run in circles, my brain was already doing enough of that by itself.

I continued to run as fast and as far as I could, enjoying the feeling of the wind on my cheeks as the sky began to darken and the air began to cool. I didn't know where I was going but the further I ran, the less it mattered, and as my body began to struggle to keep up with my pace, I felt my thoughts empty.

I stopped running only when I'd reached the top of a particularly steep hill that overlooked the city. My heart was hammering in my chest and my breath was coming out in gasps so ragged they hurt my chest.

I collapsed down onto the grass, letting my legs flop out in front of me and leant back on my arms to look at the shimmering lights below me.

I felt my breathing even out as I imagined the lives behind each light. There was something so peaceful about watching the world go by with the knowledge that no one knew you were there. I wondered who was only just getting back from work, who had families, who had had their heart broken, comforted in knowing that I would never know the answer.

I didn't know how long I sat there staring at the bustling city from above, but the longer I did, the more I realised how lonely I felt. I missed home. Jay and Kira, my sister and mum too, and just everyone else in between. It was an ache that never seemed to go away no matter what I did, and although I knew that over time it would fade and that realistically it was just home sickness, I couldn't help but feel like it was eating me alive.