The Unconditional Pledge

32 Jay

I know my parents are about to announce something unpleasant whenever we have a family dinner. Most days we eat separately, but once in a while my mom will announce that we'll be going out for dinner, which means my dad will also be joining.

I used to be terrified of my dad as a kid. In a way, I still am. It was one of the only reasons why I hesitated to come out for so long. A few days after I'd announced my sexuality to everyone, we had another "family dinner" at the steakhouse, where my dad eventually stated something along the lines of, "Don't embarrass me any further, and we'll get along fine."

I almost wish that he had said something homophobic. At least then it would have implied he cared.

"Jay, you're late," my mom snaps the moment I sit down at the table.

"Sorry, mother," I tell her. Jesse shoots me a look from across the table that says, Don't push it, she's in a mood.

I avoid looking at my dad, who's sitting directly across from me. I don't think we've spoken to each other at all this week. As upcoming governor, Mr. Kaden is a very busy man, thank you very much, and that also applies for his family. The only time he smiles around me, in fact, are when we have to pose as a family for a photo at some public event. Which is honestly fine by me — if he knew what my friends and I were usually up to, or more importantly what that could mean for his reputation, I would never be able to leave the house again.

After we've all ordered, my dad sets his menu down and smooths his tie. My mom sips from a glass of wine. I have to resist the urge to ask for my own glass. Jesse's scrolling on his phone, oblivious to the tension.

"So," my dad says after a while of strained silence. "Jay."

I open my mouth to automatically respond, "So, father," but bite my tongue at the last second. I remain silent and meet his eyes expectantly.

"Thought about college yet?"

I should have known this was what the dinner would be about. "Uh, yes," I say, already anticipating the reaction. "I was thinking about one of the UCs."

My mom lets out a light laugh. "One of the state schools? A public university?"

"Yeah."

"Oh, that's not happening," she says immediately with a wave of her hand. "Jesse, tell your little brother."

Jesse shrugs, looking like he could not care any less about my choice of schools. "Dude, come to the east coast. It's not so bad."

"I don't like snow," I tell him.

My dad clears his throat. I've inherited my blue eyes from him, but I don't think mine ever get as serious as his get in front of me. It's only when I meet his gaze that all humor drains out of my system. "You're applying to all the Ivy Leagues," he states. "The dean at Yale and I are good friends. It won't be a problem."

I laugh out of disbelief. "Yale? With my grades?"

My mom drums her painted fingertips on the table. "I told you, Jay, to step things up this year."

"No matter," my dad says, his eyes still on me. "Just finish the application and you'll have done your part."

The food arrives before I can respond, which is a good thing because I'm suddenly so annoyed that I know what will come out of my mouth will only get me in trouble. The waiter places a steak in front of my dad, a salad in front of my mom, and a bowl of pasta in front of Jesse and I each. He's so nervous that he's practically fumbling over every movement. There's probably not a single member of waitstaff in Fieldbrook who doesn't know and fear my dad.