𝒯𝒽ℯ 𝒫𝓇ℴ𝓂𝒾𝓈ℯ𝒹 𝒪𝓃ℯ | 𝐝𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐨 𝐦𝐚𝐥𝐟𝐨𝐲 |

#18 Ebb And Flow

As I left Dumbledore's office that day, I couldn't breathe.

That wasn't something new, it felt as if since Maribel's death I couldn't breathe all the time, but in this moment it felt different.

It was the undeniable moment when the ocean pulls back. The ebb, the clearing out, where you know that next was the flow. The big wave, the undeniable.

It felt like I was standing on the clear out seabed, unable to move and waiting for the flow which crawled up in front of me.

The flow comes lingering, that's why I didn't see it coming directly. I knew that something was going on, of course I did. I was ready for the big wave somehow, but my gaze on the horizon let me not see the flow slowly drowning me.

As soon as I lifted my face out of the memory, I wasn't, at all, prepared. Dumbledore asked a few times if I was okay, but I quickly excused myself from his office without further conversation.

Once I was in my dorm room, I immediately turned to my left, heading straight for the bathroom and locked the door, ignoring Pansy's calls.

I turned on the water of the shower, walked in and stationed myself under the cold water jet. My body slit down against the stone wall, up to the point where I was sitting on the ground, my knees up against my chest and the water pattering down on my body.

Too cold for me. But the pain of the water eased my mind.

I didn't tell anyone except El about everything I saw.

She seemed like the only person who could help me figuring out the mess I just got thrown at me.

Hermione would probably too, but she was a terrible liar. And if I would tell her what I witnessed, there was no doubt that she couldn't keep that from Harry. And before I sorted out if I was going to tell him or accepting Dumbledore's plead, I tried to avoid that. I only told her about the mentioning of the family curse.

I hadn't decide yet if I wanted to tell him everything. It probably would be the best, but deep down I suggested that Dumbledore wouldn't have asked for that, if it wasn't out of a reason.

Sitting in Defense against the Dark Arts now, seeing Professor Snape rumbling on about the Imperius Curse and how to resist it, I couldn't listen without drifting away to the image of the black-haired man on one table with Voldemort.

I knew that man since I started school. He somehow was a friend of the family with contact and ties to my parents. He was a member of the Order. He was especially in Dumbledore trust.

Seeing him in front of the class now made me really hope, that there was a good reason for everything. A reason he was there, a reason why the Dark Lord was trusting him. And a reason why Dumbledore was keeping that information from Harry.

The biggest part of my thoughts were still on Draco. If he was aware of the danger awaiting both of us, especially if we kept closer. What Snape meant with the counterpart. If he knew that he was supposed to be pulling me into the rows of the Death Eaters.

If he was a part of them already.

I so desperately wanted to keep him safe. I felt the need to keep him safe. And if that meant that I must keep my distance, I would.