Time Gone By ✡ NCIS TIVA Fanfiction

Chapter 11

The next time he woke up, something had changed. The bed next to him wasn't empty any more.

Ziva.

He turned his head even though it hurt, to see her laying there.

Her eyes were closed, her hair was messy and parts of her arms were scraped up.
That must come from when she crashed against the wall, he thought.

Somehow he pitied her or he felt sorry for what happened, he couldn't define that feeling. He knew that somewhere deep down in him was another feeling hidden that he had already had before she came back, even before she left.

The thought of it made the pain in his head just worse.

When is it going to stop? Is it going to stop at all? What if it just goes on and on?

Without thinking what he was doing, he reached out for Ziva's hand.

Maybe it does. Maybe there is no stopping the pain. But maybe I can learn to live with it. Make the best of it. It ends up in more pain one way or another.

His thoughts weren't about physical pain any more.

He felt his hand touching hers and his skin prickled.
She isn't awake anyways, he told himself, and she won't notice it.

Carefully, he locked his fingers into hers. It felt good. The last times he did this, it hadn't ended well. In Berlin, they got hit by a car and in Israel... He didn't want to remind himself of it.

The mental pain had been much worse than the physical pain after the car crash.

Why isn't she waking up? What if she's dead? What if I got her killed? What if I killed her and the baby?

He squeezed her hand to get rid of these thoughts and tried to remember Gibbs' words.
You saved her. I'm sure you'll be a great dad. You saved her. You saved her.

Tony took a deep breath and closed his eyes.
Everything is going to be alright.

He flinched as he suddenly felt Ziva's hand moving.

Was she waking up? She was squeezing back.

"I'm here," he whispered, "I'm not going to leave you. Ziva?" He didn't even think of letting go of her hand.

She didn't move, just another weak squeeze. "Can you hear me?" He breathed. It had to take her so much strength, but she squeezed again.

"Why don't you open your eyes, Ziva?" Even though he said it very calm, his voice was filled with pain. "Why don't you wake up?"

No answer. She looked so peaceful, like no harm had ever been done to her.

Like she had never harmed anybody.

"I'm sorry for what happened. I swear we are going to be alright. We went through so much together, remember? The great Ziva David isn't going to die from an oven fire."

He didn't know if she was still listening, or if she had ever been listening. It wasn't important; it calmed himself down to talk to her.

"Remember that time we were locked up in a truck filled with false money? We made it out of there. You shoot that bad guy into his foot, that's what I remember. Oh, I remember more. We threw that money out of the air slot to make a trace for Gibbs and McGee. It's a good memory, to me it is. Maybe it is to you, too."

His voice cracked and he looked back in her face. It still hadn't changed.

The pain crawled up his throat again, ready to take over his mind, but then, against any expectations of another reaction, she squeezed his hand again, this time, more powerful than before.

It was like she was affirming what he said. He couldn't help that a short laugh came out of his mouth.

"You make me go crazy, you know that." The pain was slowly getting pushed back by relief. Tony even grinned a bit.

"In a good way, you know." He added. Though he knew she was hurting him by so many things she did and she had done, he didn't doubt what he said next.

"You're probably the best that ever happened to me, Ziva David."

Her eyes were closed and he knew it couldn't be easy for her to react somehow, but a faint painful smile took place on her lips.

It was gone within a blink, yet it was enough for Tony.

Maybe she was hurting him, but she was also the only woman who could make him happy like this.