pretty privilege

VII - the loss of hope

2020.05.16

I rushed to my car and started driving to his house, the first thing I though where he's going to be.
I pulled up in his driveway, got out of the car and knocked on the door.
Sean opened the door.

"Hello, is Karl here?"
"Hi, no he's not, he's supposed to be at work"
"Oh okay, thank you"
"No problem"

I got into my car and drove to the place we went stargazing last week. I searched around the whole place and he wasn't there.
I was starting to shake at this moment. I knew it was my fault, I shouldn't have said that, I made everything worse.

After about an hour of driving and overthinking everything I finally got back to the studio. I went into my office and started working. I couldn't get Karl out of my head, tears started building up, I couldn't hold them anymore and they started dripping down my face. My hands started shaking, I was crying uncontrollably, my arms started feeling week, I couldn't focus on my work, at this point I didn't know what was happening, just the thought of losing my best friend...

"hey y/n"

I wiped down all my tears.

"are you okay?"
"yes I'm fine Chris"
"I heard crying coming from this room"
"What do you mean?"
"We're you crying?"
"No I wasn't"
"Maybe I'm just hearing things"
"Must be"

We laughed.

Hours went by and it was time for me to go home, but I didn't want to. I haven't seen Karl for the past 4 hours, I started to worry, all I could think of was Karl, nothing else just Karl.

I drove to the spot where we stargazed. I layed down in the exact same spot he was laying last week which felt like years ago. I didn't cry, I just looked at the stars, imagining him next to me, his energy, his warm body, his beautiful eyes, his smooth face, his gorgeous hands, his slim waist, just him being with me, I need him here, I need him right now.