Gay Kotlc For Your Soul

Just Keep Holding Me Cause This Entire Time You've Been My Lifeline

yes that is a very long title deal with it- anyways some soft kam for an anon request on tumblr :)

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The first time it happened was an accident. The brush of knuckles that sent sparks of adrenaline through Tam's arm. What the heck? he had thought.

He had watched Keefe for a while now. How careless he was with his touch. He'd give Sophie hugs and friendly forehead kisses when she was tired. Sophie would lean into his touch. Fitz, Keefe would randomly throw over his shoulder when he was getting too uptight, too Vacker-ish. He bounce around till Fitz was giggling and weakly saying "stop stop" between gasps and everyone knew he really didn't mean it. Biana he'd give piggyback rides, or catch her when she would dramatically pretend to swoon. They would dance around each other for fun, swinging, dipping, something they had done since they were kids and were not above showing off. When Dex was around Keefe's arm was always around his shoulder, or he was giving cheek kisses and making Dex's entire face seem on fire. Linh and Keefe would always greet each other with a hug and Linh lifting Keefe up off the ground for a second. Marella and him traded arm punches, fistbumps, high fives, whatever. Even Stina when she was in a good mood he would rest his head on her's or link his arm through hers and drag her to some shiny thing he saw. Ever since Tam had known him Keefe was touch. But the one person he never touched was Tam, and Tam couldn't explain how much he ached for it.

When their knuckles brushed Tam tried to play it off. Tried to ignore the way his stomach flipped the way his arm buzzed. He just wasn't used to it okay. But later that afternoon it happened again, and Tam caught Keefe's gaze knowing he knew exactly what he was feeling.

-

They were researching for the Neverseen and Tam and Keefe had ended up in the same time slot. Keefe was grabbing a book that was high up and was half climbing the bookcase when, as Tam had warned, he fell backward. Keefe grabbed wildly Tam's arm and Tam gripped Keefe's shirt. "Didn't I tell you this would happen?" Tam scolded him when he caught his breath.

"Yeah well I had to at least try," Keefe said. Huffing Tam shook his head but didn't say anything. Slowly he realized how close they were. How he was touching Keefe. How he couldn't catch his breath because ancients why did Keefe have to look so good dissolved and grinning? He had probably been holding on for too long by then and he was trying to tell himself to let go but it wasn't happening because Tam wanted the moment to last forever. But Keefe was noticing. "You can let go now Tammy, I'm not gonna fall over again," Keefe laughed.

So Tam let go, ignoring how much he didn't want to. They went to get the ladder and he banished the way he felt from his mind.

-

Keefe was out, Tam wasn't. Everything in him was awake, screaming, replaying Keefe's twisted face over and over as the shadowflux entered him. He hated every second. Please let him be okay, Tam begged. Please.

He was cradling Keefe's head in his hands trying not to cry because that's not what everyone needed. He needed to be strong, to get them out of there. Sophie said something, said she would get Keefe to Elwin, and all Tam could do was nod. And she was running and he was staring at a crime scene where he was the killer.

-

Keefe was awake. Keefe was awake. And Tam was standing outside of Elwin's door. To apologize? To see how he was? To make sure there was still some chance that Keefe would want him in his life? Honestly, Tam had no clue but he was here.
Elwin answered the door and smiled softly in a way that tore Tam's insides to pieces with guilt, before calling out to Keefe. Keefe showed up with a pad and paper and a grin that Tam didn't know why it was directed at him.