No Comprendo
Poem by Dana Young
I don't understand you mom.
You tell me to go out and have fun
To essentially do what any normal woman my age does.
Then you get angry because I do it and you are uanable to...
Or so you think.
You make like your life is over while simultaneously wishing it would end.
Then you guilt me and your other children with it or make us sad
To hear about your giving up and self hatred.
You ask for things from me and I willingly comply.
I spoil you more than most children do
In an effort to show how loved and wanted and appreciated you are.
But you dont see it. You get happy temporarily but then like the sun, your smile goes down.
And no matter how much I try to bring it back up
You find something else to be upset about.
Another reason to say you are a failure or unworthy when no one thinks that.
No one that matters anyway.
I can't reach within your bubble to pull you out of the deep pit that your mind is in.
I can't keep the sun shining to erase the dark
From every corner of your mind.
I cant take back the pain you suffered as a child, in relationships and with children.
And the pain that you relive through your mind.
I can't erase the pain and failure feeling from my own childhood abuse.
That you couldn't see because I was a reluctant and timid expert at hiding the pain
From anyone.
I was bullied and threatened into silence. It never was a failure on your part.
You cant save someone that you dont know needs help.
You cant stop what you arent told is happening.
I never considered you a failure.
Its what you do with the knowledge once its been given.
You did what many so called moms wouldnt do.
You launched into action and tried to get me justice
And mental help.
And you built my psyche and my heart up little by little.
Now I know that I can face anything
So can you
You already have faced every life situation and came out stronger.
But you can't see it past the clouds in your mind.
You finally have peace in a home of our own
That is free of anything harmful.
That is beautiful and ours to turn a work of art into a masterpiece.
I am not leaving you or giving up on you.
So please fight with me to reach better days and better tomorrows
