Instagram [Book 2 (LiLo)]

22

messages with liampayne

louiswtomlinson Liam it's me. I just wanted you to know that I was at your birthday party. I didn't know if you saw me or even knew I was there. I happened to have seen you and you were smiling your dumb boy smile that makes it look like you've won a fucking cookie and it was all for stupid Randy.

louiswtomlinson I know his name is Andy. I don't like him so he's gonna be whatever I decide I want to call him instead. I don't care if I'm being childish about it.

louiswtomlinson How come you've never mentioned anything to me about him during the entire time we were together? I know all of your other friends, your family, your team. But not this bloke that you've known for years? It doesn't add up. Were you afraid to tell me about him?

louiswtomlinson My mind is going in so many places. Like did you get too drunk and kiss him when we were together so you never wanted me to meet him? Was he one of the blokes you had a thing with when you were trying to figure out who you were? I don't want to think these things because I know I shouldn't accuse you of cheating because you would never do that. Right? You'd never forgive me if I thought that was true.

louiswtomlinson Not that any question I ask you will ever be answered. I'll just end up blocking you again because apparently I'm not being a mature adult about any of this. Plus I'm going to regret all of these messages and feel embarrassed.

louiswtomlinson It's not because I hate you. I don't think I could ever hate you even though I tell Lottie, your new best friend, that I do.

louiswtomlinson It's because it's hard to see you. When we were together. Fuck it. Even before we were together I was so consumed by you. I still am. Even when I'm not looking at your stupid face on my screen I look around and everything is you Liam. Like sometimes I'm actually afraid to take a damn breath because I know the air around me won't have the smell of you anymore. Then that's all I'll think about until I get angry. I don't even get upset as much. I just get angry.

louiswtomlinson Are you angry? Do you hate me because I wanted to end things? You have to hate me even though you have the biggest fucking heart anyone could have. You put the grinch to shame and his is three sizes larger.

louiswtomlinson Do you remember our first Christmas together and the little ones kept begging you to watch the grinch with them? You couldn't say no to them and I found it to be quite fucking adorable. All of us somehow managed to be on the one sofa together. I was so uncomfortable but I looked over at you and you had that cookie winning smile on your face.

louiswtomlinson I'm getting to that point where I start to get angry and I will not be sleeping for the rest of the night because I'll be thinking of all the moments with you and my sisters.

louiswtomlinson The point of this was because I don't like when you smile at Andy the same way way you smiled when you were with me and my family. I hoped that smile was just for us.

louiswtomlinson I went to your birthday party. Don't look into it that it means anything. I just wanted Lottie to stop pestering me about going.

louiswtomlinson But if you did happen to see me would that smile have completely left your face? Am I just this ugly reminder of what reality is now?

louiswtomlinson These messages are all mistakes. I'm blowing up my ex boyfriends phone while he's probably going through a wicked hangover or maybe you're still with Andy.

louiswtomlinson I've seen the pictures where he's leaving your place in the morning. I remember how much you wanted to protect me from that ever happening.

louiswtomlinson Maybe this is my closure. I went to your party and saw you smiling. You've moved on and seem to be happy again. I need to do that too. Yeah.

liampayne Typing...