Dream a Little Dream

Dream a Little Dream - Dream 5

Dream 5

Pulling the heavy box down from the top shelf, Susan sat in the middle of Jack’s closet. He was all around her. In the clothes that he had worn only days ago, the t-shirt and shorts he wore on his run the morning he died still sitting in the laundry hamper ready for the wash. Susan wasn’t able yet to wash his sweat away from the material.

The lid slid off easy and she pulled out their college yearbook. The album for the year they met and fell in love rested in her lap. The leather binding aged with time, his name was embossed in gold on the front cover. She trailed her fingers across Jack Rusaw.

After her parent’s death, they were inseparable. Although Susan refused to date him, just to make him beg even more. She loved teasing him. “It makes the wait worth it in the end. You’re worth it!” he had told her.

He had chronicled their courtship in the photos he took, the poems he wrote for her and the keepsakes she never knew he kept until after they were married and she stumbled upon the box. This box that now sat opened in front of her.

Her fingers picked up several dried flowers tied with a blue ribbon. He had given it to her the day after they met and she shoved them back towards him and laughed as she walked away. But he kept them. Ticket stubs from a concert they had gone to when they were in their ‘friends’ stage before she agreed to a date. Then she came to the item that had surprised her the most when she found the box. It took her a few weeks to realize she had even lost it. Her fingers wrapped around the cool gold metal and watched the dangling amethyst earring sparkle in the dim light of the closet.  

He had confessed that when he noticed she had lost the earring, it took him three hours crawling on his hands and knees between the gazebo and her dorm in order to find it. When she had asked why he had not given it to her he said, “I knew I would one day,” then he winked and added as he kissed the sensitive spot behind her ear, “when we are old and gray and our grandchildren sat on our knee.”

She pulled a handkerchief out of the box, a smile crossed her face as she remembered making fun of him for carrying one like an old man. He just smiled, but he never said anything about her teasing him when he pulled it out of his pocket a week later when she fell rollerblading and he wet it and washed the dirt off her scraped leg and hand.

The journal was next. He had documented everything from the moment they met until... flipping through the thick binder she realized that he had written something the night before the accident.

My Sweet Susan,

You almost ruined my surprise. Tonight I had received the tickets for our trip to Europe, Italy to be exact. I can’t wait to see the sights we have dreamed of seeing through your eyes. I love you so much and I want to experience everything with you. I have planned it to the last detail. Now I know you want to have some rest and relaxation time as well. Don’t worry love, this tour is especially designed for you. I will be your tour guide, but our itinerary can be adjusted to meet your every need. And Italy is just the tip of the iceberg. Wait until you see the surprises I have for you. I can’t wait.

The letters on the page began to blur and Susan realized her tears were smearing the ink on the page. She clutched his last words to her chest and laid down on the floor of the closet and cried. He would never see Europe with her. They would never visit Rome, Venice or Florence together. They would never walk through the wineries or taste the amazing cuisine of Italy. They would never...

This time as she dreamed she was transported back to college and a happier time. Yes, her parents were gone, but Jack was there...

They had been back on campus only a couple of weeks since the funeral and although things were different between them, this was officially their first date.

Susan knew that Jack had planned everything to a tee. He wanted it perfect. Perfect for her. And it had been, right up until the sky split open and the rain poured down.

Large drops of rain were falling from the sky and they laughed as they ran across the campus from the gazebo to her dorm. Soaking wet and laughing, they were drenched and she could not remember ever having a better date.

He had picked her up promptly at 5 o’clock. He told her to dress comfortably and she had. When he saw her as she opened the door his eyes grew three sizes larger in a matter of seconds. She had on a beige cable knit sweater dress with matching beige leggings and suede boots. When she dragged Tina shopping last weekend, it took them three hours to put together this perfect first date outfit. She wore her hair down and it rested just past her shoulders.

Now with Jack standing in front of her, Susan wondered if she went overboard. She watched his adam's apple bob several times and his eyes slowly became normal size again. “Wow.” Shaking his head he said it again, “Wow! You look like a vision. An angel.”

“Thank you,” she was glad that he approved. Although she would never tell him, his reaction made her very happy.

Jack was wearing a pair of khaki pants and a blue button down shirt with the sleeves rolled up on his forearm. He had a beige cable knit sweater thrown over his shoulders and she realized that it matched her dress perfectly.

He pulled a bunch of daisy’s out from behind his back. They were wrapped in pale blue tissue paper and a white ribbon. “I wasn’t sure what your favorite flower was,” he thrust them to her and then leaned in and kissed her cheek awkwardly. She knew at that moment that he was just as nervous as she was.

“Thank you.” She turned her back to him and went into the bathroom to fill a plastic cup, the closest thing she had to a vase, with water. Then she brought them out and put them by her bed. “Now I’ll see them tonight when I go to bed and in the morning when I wake up.”

When Susan turned around to face him, she realized he was staring at her. “What?” patting her face and hair then tugging on the short hem of her dress she tried to fix what was wrong and found herself fidgeting. The dorm room seemed to shrink in size and suddenly Jack’s presence was all she could focus on.

Slowly he walked towards her and took her hands into his. Jack stroked the back of her hand with his thumb and then released one hand to reach up and tug her chin, pulling her bottom lip which she had been worrying with out from between her teeth. “There.” He leaned in and kissed her softly, briefly gliding his tongue gently across that bottom lip. Then he kissed the spot she had been biting moments before. “If anyone is going to bite that lip, it should be me.” He leaned in and kissed her again and did exactly what he promised and she felt his teeth softly tug on that lip as he released her. “I don’t know about you,” he was so close that when he sighed it made her hair blow in the breath he exhaled. It smelled like he had just tasted a moment ago minty and sweet, “but I feel much better.”

He started to pull away, but Susan grabbed a handful of Jack’s shirt and pulled him back. Taking the lead this time, this kiss was much more aggressive as she pulled him closer and closer until his arms wrapped around her trying to hold on to the only stable thing in the room. When she released him, she felt much more relaxed and she sighed and agreed, “Yep. Much better.”

“Wow!” Jack looked at her and said, “I have things planned, but if you would rather stay here? I could do that all night!”

“Really? All night? Interesting.” Susan lowered her eyes and looked up at him through her lashes. He had already told her that this look she often gave him made him weak in the knees. “I’d really love to. But I was promised a proper first date. This is the only one you get, so let’s see what you have planned.”

“Very well my lady. Dinner is first.” Jack held out the crook of his arm and Susan placed her hand inside as he led her outside she just knew tonight would be the first of many dates, she was already falling for the man at her side.

Dinner was sweet. He took her to a nice quiet, dimly lit restaurant that was out of the way. No way would anyone see or bother them there! She was sure that was Jack’s motivation. The entire campus knew that he had been asking her out, and she was weary at first that his fraternity brothers would be popping out all over the place to heckle him.

They were led to a quiet table in the back corner and they could hear someone playing softly on the piano in the bar area. When they sat down the waiter brought over a bottle of sparkling apple cider and a plate of various appetizers. “Mr. Rusaw has taken care of ordering already. Please let us know if there is anything we may get you.”

Susan raised her eyebrow at Jack, “What if I’m allergic to something?”

Jack raised his eyebrows in response, “Are you?”

“No. But that’s not the point.” Susan had a small smile on her lips and she watched as Jack relaxed with her reply.

“Then the point is that tonight you will love everything and be spoiled beyond belief and enjoy every aspect. I promise.”

“And you always keep your promises?”

Jack had a twinkle in his eye as he said, “Always!” and Susan knew he was telling the truth.

The salads came and Susan asked, “So, tell me about this heart breaker Jack? Who is he really?”

Taking a bite of his salad, Jack was taking his time answering her and she thought that maybe he did not want to talk about all the girls he had dated on campus. The ones she noticed giving her dirty looks when they thought she was not looking.

“There is only one heart I am interested in and I don’t intend to break it. I plan to cherish it always. The others were nothing. Just having fun and blowing off some steam.”

Susan let out a little chuckle at that, “I bet the girls giving me the evil eye would love to hear what you thought about them.”

Now it was Jack’s turn to laugh and laugh he did. His head fell back and he did not even try to hold it in. “Darlin’ let me just tell you that yes, girls wanted to get to know me. They also wanted to be seen with me. Why? I have no idea. But I have never led a girl on or played with their emotions. I respect women in general, but I can not help it if they are looking for more than I am willing to offer. I have come into my dorm room and found a girl waiting in my bed. I asked her to leave. I find notes in my mailbox, car and under my dorm room door on a daily basis. I throw them away. I have girls that I don’t know saying 'hi' and talking to me all the time. I think they build up my reputation and I just let them. I have only gone out socially with a handful of girls and that was mostly because the event called for a date. And just so we are clear, yes, I could sleep with any girl on campus and a few that don’t even go to school, but I haven’t. I don’t sleep around. Since I am laying everything out there,” Jack took a deep breath and said, “I have only been serious about one girl in my  whole life and I am sitting with her right now. I won’t lie and say I haven’t,” he grinned sheepishly, “enjoyed female company. I’m not innocent shall we say. But again I have never taken advantage of anyone and although the number is very low, I wish that I had saved myself for the person sitting at this table.”

Feeling herself blush and her face warm up from her throat to the top of her head, Susan picked up her glass of water and drank what she hoped was a sip, but realized when she sat the glass down that it was half empty. “Umm, just for the record,” Susan felt her hands fidgeting under the table and knew she was still blushing and she was trying to look anywhere but at Jack, “I’ve never... umm... done that.”

Jack must of enjoyed the blush because when Susan finally did look at him he was smiling and it made her blush even more. “Never what?” he asked with one eyebrow raised.

“You know.” Susan tried to stop there but he was going to make her say it! “I’ve never. I’m a virgin.”

She didn’t want to look at him. Susan couldn’t understand why she was embarrassed, but she was. She had never talked about sex to a guy and this wasn’t any guy, it was Jack Rusaw! Jack the man that held her after her parents died. The one that chased her all over campus until she said she would go on one date with him. This date. The man that kissed her so softly it made her feel cherished and so fervently it made her feel wanted. Jack Rusaw the man that she saw herself with for the rest of her life.

Reaching across the table he took her hand and said, “I know. And I promise that one day I will make the wait worth it. I promise. And I always keep my promises.” When Susan looked at him trying to figure out how he knew something so personal Jack added, “The night of your parents funeral you tried to seduce me,” he shrugged his shoulder, “I could tell. And if I’m honest about it, it made me smile to know that about you.” Jack rubbed his thumb over her fingers then lifted her hand to his lips for a soft, sweet kiss.


After dinner he drove back to campus and they walked to the alumni park where the gazebo was lit up with white lights. “I didn’t realize they put the lights on already. I mean I know they do it at Christmas.”

Jack smiled and didn’t say anything. It wasn’t until the next week that she realized he had put them up for their date.

Sitting on a quilt he laid on the floor of the gazebo, under the white lights, Jack brought out a book of poetry and began to read. WIthin a few minutes Susan found herself somehow laying her head on his lap as he read, quoted and creatively made up his own poems as he played with the strands of her hair.

Lightning danced in the distance and frogs at the pond began to croak. All making the atmosphere more magical that even Jack could plan. Susan continued to fall for Jack Rusaw.

Hours later, standing in her shower as the hot water pulsed on her face, Susan wasn’t sure when the water and tears began to mingle. She felt herself collapse towards the back of the large shower. The cold tile mingled with the hot steam and pounding water on her naked body.

Jack was gone. Her depression was so overpowering, that the only thing not allowing her to take her own life was the thought of spending eternity in hell rather than with Jack in heaven. Committing suicide was a mortal sin, she had learned that when her parents died and Jack took her to church with him. They started attending a church only to find a minister willing to marry them, but both enjoyed the comfort of the Sunday lessons that they continued to go after getting married.

Hearing a knock on the bathroom door was the other reason Susan had not taken her life, Shelly. She loved her sister, but she would not leave her alone for a minute. She knew her sister was worried for her and might even be afraid that she would do something drastic.

Schooling her voice and hiding the pain that she felt, the pain that had become a commonality in her existence over the past few days. Susan said, “Shel, I will be out in a few minutes.”

“Okay. Um Josh and Hunter are leaving in the morning. I thought we might go out to dinner tonight. Our treat. You want to go out or stay in?”

“You guys go out. I’ll be fine. We have enough food for a year in the kitchen. I will just fix a plate of something later.” Even though she had felt like she had slept a lot the past few days, all she wanted to do was crawl into her bed and sink into her dreams where Jack still existed.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, go out and have a good time. I’m going to bed early anyway.”

“Okay. I love you.”

After a few minutes, the water began to run cool. Susan stood back up and finished washing her body and hair. She turned the water off and found Jack’s robe hanging on the back of the bathroom door. She slipped it on even though it engulfed her in the size and smell of her husband.