I could taste the sweat on my cupid's bow, I hadn't exerted myself like this since I don't even remember. My vision honed in on the boxing pads that James held out in front of me as he had us circling around the pack arena.
I still required a cane when my hip ached, but otherwise I was starting to feel like my old self. Although I would never admit it, I was actually enjoying getting out of the house. I felt... strong.
"Good Miesha, now add two uppercuts to the end of the combination this time... left, right..."
My arms burned... it felt like I was swinging concrete, but the momentum kept me going.
"Lead with your jab... you're left handed, so jab with your right hand first to keep your opponent at a distance... be patient..."
After an hour of sparring, I stepped out of the arena and went outside for fresh air. James followed.
"How do you feel?"
Smirking, I couldn't hold back the sass, "Like I could have kicked your ass... "
"But in all seriousness James, I am honored that you would take the time to teach me... I heard you have a pup at home, every moment is precious, so thank you."
"It's nothing. You show promise. I look forward to watching you progress as a warrior. Gabe better watch out..."
I rolled my eyes but stifled a giggle, James leaving to prepare for the mixed training session he had coming up.
"See you next time Muhammad Ali..."
"Can't wait, thanks again James."
I stood there leaning over the timber rails overlooking the open space around the pack house. Spring had well and truly sprung and it was beautiful. It was surreal to feel a little closer to normality, smelling other wolves, seeing young pups roam around the fields. It was peaceful. I felt a pang of jealously that the Cross Rivers Pack had what my own had lost. When Jacob killed my mother, we lost everything. I was beginning to see it was irrational of me to think it was my fault but it was still difficult to come to terms with regardless.
But despite the things that were outside of my control, Gabriel was right... it was time to focus on what I could control and that was my reaction.
I didn't know when Neve would be picking me up and I knew that Adrienne was making up for lost time with her own mate, so I decided to explore around the territory while I waited.
Walking past the grove where I first laid eyes on Gabriel's wolf, I smelt the water before I saw it... Letting my senses guide me, I walked to the water's edge. As I basked in the warmth of the sun, I took in the view of the lake before me, allowing peace to envelop me. It was sublime.
For the first time in a long time I wasn't thinking about anything in particular, and I felt my wolf rise as if the heaviness of dark clouds had been lifted from her. Maybe it was the training with James that gave her a bit of faith in me again. Maybe it was being outside and having a taste for freedom. More than likely it was both. I whispered her a hello in my mind, hoping that she would forgive me for shutting her out for so long.
I had held off on going outside Gabriel's house because I had feared the reaction that I would get from the rest of the pack. I felt like I had inadvertently stolen his attention, but as I observed those around me, it didn't appear they held the same sentiment.
Some of the older pack members acknowledged me with a nod and smile, but mostly, there was indifference. Dare I say it, it felt like I belonged here. I felt no hostility, no anger... it was as if I was just one of them, and I appreciated the feeling of normalcy more than anything else, as it was something I hadn't had in a long time.
I made a silent promise to myself to thank Gabriel for giving both my wolf and I a chance at regaining a normal life. I was also grateful for him in that, although I knew we were mates, he wasn't pressuring me with conversations that I wasn't wanting.
It would be arrogant of me to deny that I felt a pull towards him, if my dreams were anything to go by... But, I just couldn't go there. My wolf was pissed that I was holding her back from her mate, and I was sure his was just as frustrated. I knew that I couldn't bring myself to get close to him in any way despite my body yearning for his touch... it was the mate bond. But being a little older and a little wiser than most young she-wolves, I knew that regardless of being bonded by fate, love still had to be nurtured in order for it to grow. It wasn't simply automatic...
But, just because that is how I felt about it all, it didn't mean I had to force my wolf to suffer because of my decision. I hadn't shifted fully in years, the closest I got was when I saw Gabriel's wolf for the first time in the grove. I decided that I would ask him if his wolf would like to go for a run with mine. A harmless run... she deserved it, and I felt that he did too.
We were expecting a full moon tonight, so it would be the perfect opportunity. The thought of letting my wolf sing her hymn to the moon and her mate brought a flush to my cheeks. And although I was apprehensive, I knew that if spring could bring forth the new beginnings in nature, that perhaps I could be apt to revive also. I only hoped that what she yearned for was going to meet her expectation.
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