Stall

Chapter 104.

"All we do is play it safe
All we do is live inside a cage
All we do is play it safe
All we do, all we do

I've been upside down
I don't wanna be the right way round
Can't find paradise on the ground"

***

"Shit Peaches, please don't cry" Jimmy hushes, keeping me held to him before turning his head back over his shoulder and hollering.

"Steve quick! Peaches is here! She's upset! Code red!"

I just can't stop sobbing, it's violent. It's tearing up out of me and shaking my whole body. I can barely breathe.

Jimmy hasn't let go of me, his tall lanky frame has me held tight while my head is buried against his chest; and he keeps rubbing soothing circles on my back.

I hear heavy footsteps bounding towards the door, like an elephant stomping as fast as it can until I hear Steve's voice from behind Jimmy "I'm here! I'm here!"

"Oh sweety no, what's happened? What do you need? Who do we need to kill?"

Not the best time for that joke Steve.

... If he was even joking.

I don't even know how to say it. How do I say it out loud?

"He... He- said that he- he told me about his baseme-" I can't even talk, everytime I try to my throat just chokes me.

I hear Jimmy let out a heavy sigh, and he pulls me back a bit to push my hair away from my face with a sad knowing expression "He told you about the tapes didn't he...?"

I can tell by the tone in his voice he knows exactly what Harry would have told me to have me like this, and turning up at his house.

I try to control myself, gasping as I give him a slow nod before my chin starts trembling again and I burst out into another pained cry.

"Ah fuck" Jimmy sighs, pulling me back against his chest into another tight hug and he starts to grumble "Couldn't have given her at least 48 hours to get over nearly fuckin dying and him trying to leave her - perfect fuckin timing Harry you dickhead"

"Oh you poor thing - I'm so sorry honey" Steve says with a sad sigh similar to Jimmys.

Neither of them sound surprised, which I didn't expect - I was the one that had no idea about any of this, they knew all along.

I'm not upset with them, I can't tell you why - I knew that they were keeping that secret for Harry and he's the one I needed to hear it from.

They weren't doing it to hurt me.

Knowing Jimmy and his word vomiting I'm surprised he didn't actually blurt it out at some point.

I'm trying as hard as I can to stop my crying, or at least tone it down so I can try to talk but it's just pouring out of me. I tried to hold it together but I don't know how to when it feels like everything just fell apart.

I just can't get a single thought straight. I want to be clear headed, I want to be able to process all of this and know what to do.

I don't know what the answer is. I don't know the right thing to do.

I don't hate Harry, I still don't even think he's a bad person and that's so fucking conflicting. I understand him and that makes it so much harder.

It's making me question everything. Every single thing about myself, it's making me question my morals and wrong from right, it's blurring everything and getting consumed in this grey area I don't know how to be in.