Unrequited || Jimin

2.2 | 바 람

W I N D

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I stayed quiet for the rest of the day.

You filled my head, every inch of it, and it flew past; the hours. Funny, how a broken heart can spill over to time, slows it down and speeds it up, sifts through me like an hourglass.

At first, it was all I could do not to cry, feeling like I'd been knocked over askew, traces of my soul spilling over the very edge.

Like the day at the park, I couldn't seem to move or breathe or do anything but look.

Because this time there is no more hesitation.

She was more than just a friend, more than just a someone.

And all the stars we'd gazed at together came crashing down upon me like reality.

You two laughed, the sound muffled and sounding far away. Too wrapped up in each other, you moved to draw her closer - and on my shoulder I felt the phantom touch of your warm fingers doing the same.

And then I saw the lines of your face soften, as if you were a canvas colored in with shades of intrigue, a sight I'd never seen before, not with me.

I saw you look at her the way I look at you, and it struck me in my gut like lightning.

Struck me so hard I gasped out loud, the sound breaking my silence, echoing through the air.

I watched in slow, aching horror as your words stop.

You looked up.

You saw me.

And something in you seemed to pause, as well; something heartbreaking that flits in your eyes, like I was someone you once lost.

"Byul?"

The girl turned my way, as well, and I nearly curled up behind the tree, panic pulsing through my bloodstream mixing in with the sadness until it all forms a sharp, stinging pain.

But it was too late - you saw me, and I had no choice but to step out into the clearing, where the two of you are still entwined around each other.

My heart crumpled. I did not let it show.

Hesitant, I walked over until I stopped as close as I could, my eyes not quite meeting the both of you.

You were still staring at me, your expression indescribable. For some reason, you shifted a little, putting a space between you and her.

"Hey," you blurted out, almost awkward. Your body was rigid, defensive. "What are you- why are you here?"

Your words stung me like a slap in the face, and I swallowed back hot tears.

The girl was looking at me, head tilted up, her face beautiful like summer but eyes cold as winter. A paradox of seasons. She smiled, but it didn't reach the edges of her eyes. Her hand tightened around yours.

Something in my stomach curled up into a tiny ball, and I tried my hardest not to let the pain pour into tears.

Not when I'm so close to you that I could see your arm still around her; could see her body leaning towards yours; could see the privacy, the intimacy, the hushed air only lovers are privy to.

The day was bright, but somehow I felt like night-time: deep and dark, dread making a home in me.

"Um. Sorry to disturb."

The pain was fresh, and it stung my chest, and you were still holding her in your arms.

Don't cry, don't cry, don't cry.

"I just...wanted to let you know that the others are looking for you." And, uselessly, I added, "it's lunchtime."

You nodded, a little stilted, and both our eyes knew not where to look. "Well, you found me," you tried to lighten the air.

I weakly smiled, forcing myself to act as if I was not shattering inside.

Because you didn't know that I loved you, and now I didn't want you to know. Ever.

I was humiliated.

So I widened my fake grin, even tried to chuckle a little.

Friends, act like we're just friends. (And then it hit me: that's all I am to you, after all. A friend.)

"Yeah, I- I guess so." I began to step back, the smile still painfully plastered on my face, the ache in my chest now seizing up, my throat clogging with tears.

Your eyes traced my movement, but you don't get up to stop me like I wish you would.

So with one last smile, I rushed out: "I'll leave you both to it, then."

I did not look back over my shoulders as I parted the branches and slipped out back towards the school.

You never ended up coming to lunch. I faked an excuse of "just cramps" when the others asked if I was okay. Out of the corner of my eye, I thought I could feel someone looking at me. When I turned to look, I saw Jungkook quietlg staring at me, concern in his eyes. I smiled to let him know I was fine.

At the end of the day I took an earlier bus home to avoid you.

It was then that I finally let my tears slip, let them stream down my face as I thought of you and her.

Because I couldn't do anything.

Because I couldn't scream and be angry at you and confront you.

Because I love you and you don't feel the same way and so I have no rights to say anything to your face, absolutely no rights to speak my feelings.

Still I felt as if a part of me was ripped, shredded edges and my world askew. The image of your arms gentle around her body, your eyes trailing her lips as she made you smile -

It was everything I wanted but could not have.

And at that moment, I felt like ripping the world apart at its seams, just so something else would break apart the way I did.

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A/N: thank you for reading, my mini constellations!❤ here is a daily reminder to drink H2O and take time to care for yourself bcs you issa precious ok?

p.s: i want you to do something for me - look through the entire chapter again and combine the bolded words. i put in a secret sentence, and if you manage to find it, comment it here! ;)

please do give feedback or share your thoughts, i hoped you liked this chapter!

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