Never The Same

Chapter Twenty-One

Asher packed a picnic for lunch and it was honestly adorable. He had the classic woven basket, as well as the red and white blanket. He made ham and cheese sandwiches for the three of us and brought grapes, chips, and watermelon. I didn't even notice when he packed all of it, but I was glad it was a surprise.

Avie was really tired after we ate, so we went back to the cabin. Asher picked up Avie, and I grabbed the picnic basket. We walked down the middle of the street, because no one really drove down this road anyway. Avie pushed herself off of Asher's shoulder and pointed to his hand and my hand.

"You want us to hold hands," Asher asked. She nodded.

I didn't want to hold his hand, but I did it because I wanted him to trust me. I wanted him to keep the handcuffs off of me. I wanted to be free. But who was I kidding? He already trusted me enough to take the handcuffs off and I have had so many chances to run. But here I am, slowly falling and scared to do it.

We went back to the cabin, it was almost 1:30. Avie fell asleep on the way home and Asher set her on the couch. I sat in the chair where Asher usually sits, but he was in the kitchen like he always is. I swear one day he will be on one of those cooking shows. Avie fell off the couch and started to cry. I went over to her as fast as I could and picked her up.

"How long is she staying?" I rocked her back to sleep while she laid against my chest.

"Carter is coming to pick her up tonight. He'll be here for dinner."

"Oh, great," I lied through my teeth. But then honest words came pouring out of my mouth without my permission. "Having her around makes me want to have my own kid."

"Maybe we should have her around more often." He smirked.

"Don't push it."

I stretched my arm out far to reach the remote while trying not to aggravate the sleeping baby. I clicked through the channels on the television, looking for something to watch. Lost in L.A. was on but I didn't want to cry thinking back to all the memories. I turned on a movie from On Demand; it was 27 Dresses. I watched it until Carter barged through the door and dinner was ready.

Asher had made spaghetti and meatballs, a classic dish. Not many words were said during the time we ate, other then little Avie babbling. Carter kept giving me this look that I didn't quite understand. He was a very mysterious man, and one of the only things I know about him is that he knew everything.

He didn't stay long after dinner. All he did was simply thank Asher and said a few words to him out in the kitchen. Then he packed up Avie's things and left with her. She didn't want to go, but her opinion never mattered to Carter. He picked her up and set her in the back car seat. Asher and I stood at the door and waved goodbye. He put his arm over my shoulder and for a moment I thought about moving away, but I didn't. It wasn't because it bothered me, for once it actually didn't.

We went back in and I sat on the couch. He went to the kitchen to clean up. I checked the time. It was 6:30. I had to double check to make sure that I saw it right because I was extremely tired and at this hour I'm usually not. Although it might have something to do with all the activity through the day. Going to the park was exhausting.

Asher came into the living room. "I had fun today, Em."

"Me too," I said, actually telling the truth.

He sat down at the opposite side of the couch and faced towards me with his knees up. I positioned myself the same way, because for some reason I knew we were going to talk.

"So Emma, are there any boys at your school?" That was a dangerous question.

"Um, yeah. There are lots of them." I answered sarcastically, kind of avoiding it.

"Any boys you like Em?" It turned out not answering this question was just as dangerous as answering.

"No." It really was a simple lie, how could I fail?

"Come on Emma, don't lie to me. There has to be one that you have had a crush on for at least a moment." Every time he spoke, he said my name. It would not slip from his memory to repeat it, did he know?

"Well there is this... I mean there was this one guy, but it's nothing." I thought that answer would be good enough, but who was I kidding? Asher was curious for more. He stared at me, motioning his hands for me to go on, until I spoke again. And I did. I twiddled my thumbs, then looked up at him. I felt safe telling him about it. "His name is Luke. We met one day and even though I tried resisting that stupid smile of his, it pulled me in. There wasn't anything between us. He thought of me as his sibling. Right before I came here, we got into a fight and he blamed me for his sister's death. I don't think I could forgive him for that. But it doesn't look like I need to anymore."

"It was all my fault Emma." There it was, the name again.

"You weren't the one who pulled the trigger."

He sat in silence for a moment, shaking. I got up and moved closer to him, laying down on the inside of the couch while he laid beside me on the outside. I set my head on his chest and listened to his heartbeat. It's kind of funny, I thought he never had one. We breathed at the same time, as one. His arm was around my shoulder and my arm was around his waist.

"Emma," he whispered.

"Ash, I— it's Ellie," I whispered back.

"Ellie? That's beautiful." I smiled a little bit.

"I- I'm sorry I never told you."

"You're telling me now."

I looked up at him and he looked down at me. I smiled and he smiled back. Something caused this all to happen, but I can't remember what. Maybe it was meant to be when it first began, all of this. But who knows? I feel like I don't know anything anymore.

He leaned in a little bit, hesitantly as if he weren't sure. But then I leaned forward too. I closed my eyes as he did and we kissed. I pulled back and rested my head against his heart again, closing my eyes one last time before I fell asleep.

"Goodnight Ellie," he whispered.

"Goodnight Ash," I whispered back.

The last thing I heard was the sound of his beating heart.