Never The Same

Chapter Two

And that's when I heard footsteps.

"Ellie? Ellie, are you in here?"

I didn't want to say anything. I didn't ever want to leave. I just wanted to sit there forever until I died. But it was Jenna, so I had to answer. "Yeah."

"Miss Kent says we don't have to go back to History."

"That's a relief."

"Do you want to talk about it?" I shake my head no. "You want me to leave?"

I shook my head no again. She puts her arm around my shoulder and I lay my head against hers. Slowly, she rests her head against mine.

"I don't know what's going on," she says. "But I promise you that everything is going to be alright. And I promise that I'll be with you every step of the way."

I really thought no one could make me smile, but somehow Jenna can do the impossible. Her green eyes and bright smile could brighten anyone's day. She was tall with shoulder length, reddish blonde hair. There's something about her, something that makes her like no one else.

We just sat there, and I didn't realize, until a little while later, that Jenna was crying with me. We were sitting there together and I began to feel okay. Without a single word, Jenna made me feel like I didn't need to cry, like I didn't want to cry.

"Was that him," she asked. "Did he kill her?"

"Yeah," I managed to say.

I forgot that she knew almost the whole story. I forgot the day we sat in the hospital bed and talked to each other for hours. I even forgot when I told her I was kidnapped. That was, until now.

Jenna and I met in a hospital, right after her surgery. She was going in for a heart transplant. I don't remember much from that day. I mainly recall the tears that I cried. That was the day I said goodbye to one friend and hello to another. That's also the day I learned the hardest things in life are saying 'hello' for the first time, and 'goodbye' for the last.

I don't think the worst part of the tragedy was my best friend's death. Many people would say that the worst part was Brooke dying. But I think it was the small time before we knew she was going to die. It was those last few minutes that seemed to last forever and go by so quickly at the same time. We all try to hide and stop ourselves from being hit. We try to run, but it's inevitable.

I sat on the hospital bed with her, holding her hand. I wanted so desperately for everything to be okay, but a little part of me knew that everything was not. I wiped away tears frequently. I wanted to say something, but I didn't know how.

"Don't be afraid to let go," Brooke said. "I don't know exactly where I'm going, but I'm on my way. And it's okay to let go."

"I can't just let go of you," I replied.

"Ellie, you don't need to hold on to someone if they are already in your heart."

There was a small moment of silence between us, but that never bothered me, because we were there together and that was enough.

"Even when I couldn't count on anyone, I could always count on you. Please don't forget me."

"I won't." And with that, she said her last words and took her last breath.

Brooke was apart of me, that little piece that shattered when she died. And that night I realized that I was apart of her too. I guess that's the problem with me, I care too much about people. They become apart of me and I become apart of them, but in the end something goes wrong and we both end up hurt.

"I'll see you soon," I whispered.

I didn't pull the trigger and I wasn't holding the gun, but somehow and for some peculiar reason, I feel like I killed her. I feel like it was all my fault. And in a way, I guess it was. I was kidnapped and I was the reason he shot her. I was the reason she died. But I was not the one holding the gun and I did not pull the trigger.

I guess that telling myself I didn't have the gun was the only way I got through the guilt of her death. Or maybe it was that her heart was given to Jenna and I got to experience a new kind of friendship with her. After the transplant, I thought that Brooke was forever gone because she'd never be whole again, but then I met Jenna.

I looked into the window of the hospital room. My hands were shaking. There wasn't anyone pushing me to go in and talk to the girl reading a book in her bed. It was a choice I made on my own, I had to do it, for Brooke.

I grabbed the handle of the door and slowly turned it. I had no idea what to say to her. I thought of so many different things I could've said, but finally chose one.

"Hello," I said as I walked into the room.

"Hey, you must be the Brooke's best friend. I'm so sorry for your loss."

"Thanks."

"Come here," she whispered while patting the bed. "Since I have your best friend's heart now, I think the only logical thing is for us to become best friends."

Jenna and I became best friends that day, like she said we would. I guess that a part of Brooke was now in Jenna's body and it would stay there until she died. I guess that Jenna and Brooke were kind of the same person, in a sense. I think they would've been great friends if they have met.

"What was she like," Jenna asked. "I mean Brooke, because I want to know what I have to do to live up to her reputation."

"She'd think you're perfect."

"She was a hero, and I don't know how to be one. I'm just me, I can't be a hero."

"Don't underestimate your own value. Brooke wouldn't want you to. She was a girl who believed in anything and everything. Nothing was impossible to her. She had a full and unbroken heart. Her dreams had no barriers."

"She sounds amazing. I wish I could have met her."

Jenna lifts her head from mine. I sit up and wipe my tears on the sleeve of my shirt. We don't look at each other, even when she speaks. "Can I ask you something?"

"Of course."

"What was his name?"

"Asher Reed."