Never The Same

Chapter Fourteen

So often we make decisions based on the mistakes we think we've made before. But how can we really know if the choices made before were really wrong? When the consequences from our choice come, and they weren't what we wanted, we think it was the wrong choice. But we don't know all of it. We never will. I guess I'll just have to accept that.

I pushed the knife a little bit into my stomach and felt my skin tear. The tip was in and I saw the blood through my shirt. It wasn't much. The cut was only about an inch deep, maybe more, or maybe less. I wasn't really sure. Everything just seemed to slip my mind.

I couldn't really feel the pain. It was there, but I only felt it for a moment. Then I went into shock and I couldn't move. My eyes wandered through the cemetery, but I didn't really see anything. It was all blurry. I looked down and started crying. I knew that it was now or it was never. The choice had to be made.

But I couldn't do it.

I pulled the knife out and fell to my knees. The blood came pouring out. I clutched my left side where the wound was. My hands were covered in the dark red ooze coming from inside me. It still wasn't enough to kill me. Only enough to scar.

Asher came towards me and took the knife away. I didn't look up at him. I couldn't. He helped me up and walked me to his van. He picked me up and set me in the back seat.

"Stay low," he said. "I'll get a first aid kit."

The pain kicked in and I was speechless. I slowly and subtly nodded my head. He got in the front seat and started the car. He drove off and the breeze was cold. The window was open and I heard Asher making a phone call. I didn't know to who though.

"Yeah, I'll be there in a few." He paused for a while. "Just be inconspicuous."

It was cold and I was scared. That was pretty much it. I wasn't thinking about anything else. I couldn't really. And to be honest, it was kind of refreshing, not having to worry about his arrival now that it's already here. I didn't have the stress of school or weekends, family or friends. It's all gone now, but I'm not sure if that's good or bad.

Asher stopped the van and brought me behind a building to a truck. I sat on the edge of the trunk. I looked down and refused to see Asher face to face. He grabbed my chin and forced my head up. He didn't take his hand away. I was breathing deeply and hoping Asher didn't notice. But how couldn't he? We were so close. Too close. I could feel him breathe out as we both just waited quietly.

"I never understood you Em," he whispers in my ear.

A door opened and we both turned our heads. Carter walked through and tossed a first aid kit to Asher. He walked back in and shut the door.

"Pull your shirt up," Asher ordered.

I did as he said and my stomach was bare. He opened the kit and used the first thing he found to clean the blood, which was alcohol pads. He placed the cold cloth around he wound so it wouldn't touch, but a little leaked in and stung really bad. I gripped his wrist really hard and then let go once I realized what I was doing.

"Sorry," I mumbled.

He then took the gauze and wrapped it around many times so it was very tight. He put his hands on my sides and got me down from the trunk. His hands were cold and when he took them away, I still felt the chill from where they were.

"Are you alright," he asked.

I nodded my head. I was too scared to say or do anything else. He took my arm and put it around his shoulder. He moved me to the back seat of the truck, down on the floor. He put a cloth in my mouth so I couldn't talk and a blanket over me so I couldn't be seen. I was too weak to move, still in shock from everything.

"Sorry Emma, but I can't risk losing you again."

I heard the car door shut and another one open. It was Carter on the passenger side. I felt the car move, but unlike the van, the truck was a bumpy ride. They didn't talk much and I wasn't sure how long we've been driving for, nor to where we were driving.

Making the decision to go with Asher was hard, but it's even harder knowing that the cold blooded killer is along with him. Carter has killed many people, more than I want to know. He'd kill in an instant if he had to, it didn't matter who it was. What I'm worried about is him killing Asher. I keep thinking about it over and over again, that maybe I'm crazy and he should kill that psycho, but also maybe it isn't Asher who is insane. If Carter can kill his best friend, there isn't anyone he won't kill, including me.

"There's cops up ahead stopping people," I hear Asher tell Carter.

"We can't turn around, they'll suspect something. We'll have to risk it."

"And what if they catch us?"

"You move back there sweetheart, or you make the slightest peep, I will put a bullet right through you're pretty little face. You understand me?"

"Mhmm," I try mumbling through the cloth.

"She's got-" Asher tries to explain before Carter interrupts.

"I know," he says sternly.

He drives slowly to the police and I have to yet make another life threatening decision. Do I stay quiet and still like I was told, or do I make myself known? I only have a split second to decide. It seems like a lot of decisions that are given have to be made quickly. If I stay quiet, I'll never know if I was able to make it out alive. But if I say something, I might not be able to live ever again. It all comes down to this choice.