How to Hide a Heart [#JustWriteIt]

Memory 4 : The Confession

" A few days went past and I still didn't call him. He approached me and school and asked me why a few times and I gave him the same answer the same time " I forgot". I was lying to him and myself because I wanted to call him so bad , but I wasn't going to fall for him again just to get let down ...again. The truth is that I don't really forget.. I just have to much on my mind at night to even call him. For the past few nights I've been thinking about that night I almost got raped. A kid shouldn't have reacted like that.. like nothing even happened. I didn't tell the authorities , my parents or anybody.. the only people who know is me , Issac and the rapist. I thought that I should've told them , but how would they react ? My biggest fear is that they would send my back to Japan. I've grown found of New York by my freshman year , I mean i did live there for so many years. I couldn't sleep , eat or think straight for weeks. I really thought I was going crazy , but what was killing me the most on the inside is how I acted when I was 9 !! Why didn't I feel violated ? Why didn't I break down ? Why didn't I tell anybody ? I just went on that walk like nothing happened ... like I just didn't get abused and almost raped. I needed answers .. and I needed them fast. I thought maybe if I found out who the man was I would have some closure .. or I have that much needed break down I needed. Something had to give ... but what. One night I literally was thinking way to much and put myself into a depression so deep it felt like I was drowning in self hatred. I literally just slept for days on end , I barely ate , I barely went outside anymore. It took about 4 and a half years to have this breakdown and honestly I hated it. I started feeling like I was worthless , just a toy , a helpless piece of eye candy. I thought I needed to breakdown , but honestly now that I look back on it , I could've lived without it. Eventually my mom and dad started noticing my behavior and one night they came in my room and tried to talk to me ..."

*Knock on Talia's room door"

Talia - Who is it

Mrs. Hagaromo - Its Me

Talia - What do you want

Mrs. Hagaromo - To talk , you've haven't been yourself lately and I want to know whats wrong

Talia - It's nothing , I just have my period. Can I go to sleep now ?

Mrs. Hagaromo - Talia , open the door

Talia *sighs* - Fine

" I got up and opened the door. I let her in and walked back over to my bad and sat down. She sat next to me"

Talia -Well .. you're here. What did you want to talk about ?

Mrs. Hagaromo - Talia , what's been bothering you ?

Talia - Mom , I'm telling you the truth it's nothing. It's just that time of the month you know.

Mrs. Hagaromo - Come on Talia , we both know that's a lie. What's really on your mind ?

Talia - .....It's something I'd rather not talk about mom .. besides it happened so long ago . It's irrelevant now . Trust me

Mrs. Hagaromo - Talia , enough lies . Tell me . NOW

Talia - Fine ! Jesus Christ. So the first night we moved to NY right .. I kinda snuck out of the house at like 10:30 I think..

Mrs. Hagaromo - YOU SNUCK OUT ??

Talia - Mom can I finish telling my story please

Mrs. Hagaromo - Fine , continue

Talia - Anyway I snuck out because I thought I seen Issac outside by our house so I went outside... I tapped him on his shoulder and he turned around.. It wasn't Issac .. It was some big guy who looked like Issac. He called me a chink ... I called him a jerk and I guess he got offended and assaulted me ...

" I started to cry and my voice started to break"

Talia ( crying ) - He beat my up ... and put me against the wall .. he groped me and pulled my pants down ... then he ... then he..

" I couldn't finish . I just broke down in front of my mother , letting all my emotions out on my mother's shoulder. She was crying too. She hugged me and I started crying harder. It felt good letting my feelings out. I felt like a hole in my heart was being filled . My father came in and asked what was going on. My mother told him and he was outraged , however he put that to the side and comforted me along with my mother. They held me so tightly. I never felt so loved. I cried my eyes out that night. After they consoled me they took me to get ice cream from this place that stayed open all night. Of course I got chocolate cookie dough , but anyway on the car ride home I thought about Issac and how he helped me that night. I decided to call him when I got home. When I got home I looked in my contacts and found his number. I was about to call him , but I didn't do it. I wasn't scared , I wasn't nervous , I don't know what came over me . A few more days went past and I still didn't call him. About two weeks went past and I finally decided to call him , but he didn't answer the phone. I tried again the next night and still no answer. It wasn't until the day after that he picked up.."

Talia - H..Hello?

Issac - Yea?

Talia - Did the deadline for your project pass yet ?

Issac - No , It's due next Monday . Why ?

Talia - Well you need help right ?

Issac ( excited ) - You're going to help !?

Talia - Yea .. Sure . Why not

Issac - GREAT , meet me at my house tomorrow after school. We only have 5 days to do this !

Talia - Okay , See you there . Goodnight

Issac - Oh Talia wait

Talia - Yes?

Issac - Thank You... Goodnight

Talia - Goodnight

" After I hung up the phone , I grabbed my pillow and put it on my face. I was smiling !! , I hadn't smiled in FOREVER. I don't know what came over my that night , but what I did know was .. I was in love.. all over again. He didn't even do anything , but things were finally going back to normal and I couldn't had been happier"