Red Ribbons (Forgotten Series #1)

Chapter Nine

Two years later

I yipped and allowed my wolf more control as she ran from the others. The other wolves gave chase and I felt happiness grow inside of me. They may not have been shifters but the wild wolf pack was still a part of the pack and the family. I liked spending time with them. It helped me forget about everything. There was nothing like running in my wolf. After years of her being forcefully contained within me, she couldn't get enough of running around the small territory that Uncle Jace had claimed.

I felt someone nip my tail playfully and I could sense Davin among the group. I whirled around and jumped at him in playful excitement. He let me jump on his back and bite the scruff of his neck in a mock fight. I was no fighter or warrior but he pretended I could beat him to make me happy. His wolf let out a playful whine as it flopped onto its side in movk defeat.

Two years was a long time and a lot had happened during it. I had finally broken through the toughest of my Mantras and once they had been broken, the easier it had been to break through the rest. There were still many I had to work around but they were easy enough to bypass or even ignore. That voice still screamed as me and there were moments when I feared punishment for breaking a Mantra but the reinforcement of the punishment never coming made it easier to deal with the episodes.

Amber and I had discovered I had triggers for my panic and anxiety and on the rare occasions, shock, that Amber had attributed to accute stress disorder. It was similar to post traumatic stress disorder but it only emerged when I experienced a trigger.

Blood was a very big trigger for me.

The very first time it happened I walked in on the hospital and Seamus was there, he had been attacked by a cougar. He had been torn up fairly badly but the blood is what had stopped me in my tracks. The red liquid seeping from his wounds had made me instantly freeze and I wasn't in the hospital anymore. I was back in the classroom looking down at the drain at the floor watching my blood spiral down it. The coppery smell of it was overly cloying and chocking as it dripped off of my toes. The red lines drawing startling lines onto my white skin.

It had taken Amber, Uncle Jace, and Davin six hours to bring me back from the memory. Six hours of my brain short circuiting and freezing. It wasn't as bad now as it had been before but I still froze and the world disappeared around me. I was usually fine if someone broke my gaze or talked me down but it was still an exhausting process that made my emotions chaotic for hours afterwards.

Even after two years I still flinched sometimes at quick movements and I still had troubles with keeping my feelings to myself. I still had troubles with eye contact and people cleaning up after me but I had made progress, even if it felt like two steps forward and one step back. Although the biggest progress I made in the two years was finally accept the rejection that had nearly killed me. It had been such a loud cracking sound that it had startled Jay and Collin when I had done it. Angie had heard it from the kitchen and she had ran into the room before jumping on me. Pulling me into a strong hug telling me how proud she was and that now she could take me 'shopping' for a mate as she called it.

I hadn't said the words to accept the rejection out loud but while sitting on the couch a flare of pain had happened and I knew he had been with someone else again. I had grown tired of it and I said the words inside of my head and apparently the bond had been weakened enough for it to work. Collin and Jay had laughed when I told them about the pain. Jay said that it had to have been one of the best cock blocks in the world. The pain of the rejection disappeared but a strange feeling of incompleteness had filled me instead, as if I was missing something that I needed. I had told Amber about it and she had frowned slightly and told me she wasn't sure what it could be.